Hello everyone, it's been just over a year to the day since I last posted and sadly it's panned much the way we were told when she was diagnosed. After three rounds of chemo and a trial treatment without any success she was admitted to hospital due to immense pain and sickness. Following a scan she was told it had spread to the lining of her brain and unfortunately no further treatment could be offered.

That was about 2 weeks ago and the decline since then has shocked me. She has deteriorated so fast. She's currently still in hospital. I think they were referring her to a hospice but she may be too ill to be transferred. I believe she only has days to weeks left now and nothing can describe how surreal it feels. She's not really there now, she is very confused and the cancer means she can't really see or speak. I think she knows who we are but she forgets where she is. Earlier she thought we were in a pub and she wanted to go home! Other times she just sleeps. 

In a way I just want the suffering to end now. I feel like the most selfish thing to do would be to want her to stay while she's like this. I am strangely handling this better than I thought I would but I expect it will only hit me when it happens. For now she's still here and we are doing what we can to look after. Anyway I just thought I'd post an update. This thread was a great comfort to me when she was first diagnosed.

We tried to help a lot over the past year and had days out and spent a lot of time together and I hope that will help. We did all that we could and so did she but she has just been a passenger in this. It just hurts to see her as she is now.

Hi David

I really hope you're doing okay and continuing to take this all in your stride. Your thread really resonated with me - I'm 30 and my dad passed away a couple of weeks ago in hospital with breathing difficulties, caused by complexities in his liver cancer diagnosis which he received in January. Towards the end, he wasn't able to be moved from hospital either as he was so unwell too. It was really difficult to see him there as he deteriorated quickly, much like your mum, and experienced a lot of confusion which we weren't sure was caused by the cocktail of drugs/deterioration of his health.

Hospitals can be difficult places and i really didn't want him to be there but the thing that gave me some comfort was knowing he had the care of so many nurses and doctors right there. He was checked on all through the day and the night and his pain medication was constantly checked and adjusted to make him as comfortable as possible. So whilst you might prefer for your mum to be at home or in a hospice, i hope you can get some comfort from knowing she is in the best place and still getting excellent care where she is.

I felt really similarly to you and wanted it to end - it felt like he wasn't well enough to live but not yet ill enough to die - and when it did eventually happen it felt so shocking, surreal and sad, but we were also so relieved. Knowing dad isn't in pain now is comforting, and whilst I'm finding it hard  to erase memories of him so poorly and in pain and a shadow of himself in hospital, i hope to eventually get  to the point where that all fades away and I remember how vibrant, cheeky and annoying Dad was :)

Sending you such strength over the coming days and weeks - your mum will be feeling so lucky to have you by her side x

Hi Littleblue,

Thank you for your reply. I'm so, so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. Sadly my Mum also passed away since I last posted, in the early hours of Monday morning. The rate of deterioration was quite quick. I was luckily able to spend quite a bit of time with her the day before and she had some lucid moments where I was able to say I loved her and we shared a hug and a kiss. She was very weak and wasn't able to speak very much but I take a lot of comfort in that. 

I'm relieved she's no longer suffering as she really was suffering in her final weeks but I still miss her so much and I don't think the gravity of her loss has hit me just yet.

You are so right about the hospital staff. It makes me feel incredibly grateful for the NHS and their staff who looked after and made sure she was as comfortable and in as little pain as possible right untile the end. She passed away peacefully and surrounded by those who loved her and I don't think any of us could ask for anything more than that.

I hope you're doing OK and I really appreciate you replying when you're going through such a difficult time yourself.

David

Hi all

Just seen this is still going, found out mum mum had breast cancer spread to 4 lymph nodes, then had a bone scan and a CT scan went back today and they said they think she has bone cancer and he pointed at his chest so I take it it's in the bones around that area, but all organs are fine, my mum thought it would be surgery. But is this still the case will they offer that now it's spread to the bones?

I'm in a mess and will be telling my 8 year old after Christmas.

She is pretty fit other then this, they have given her same tablets for now for estrogen which I think slows it down.

We're all in a mess and I don't know what to do. Don't know what questions to ask

They will be doing a bone biopsy to actually confirm, even though they did this last time told us it was defiantly cancer before she got results back of her boob and lymph node biopsy.

Thanks

I was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer spread to my liver and bones. I too was told it was a matter of time but 3 years later I'm still here and although I do have bad days and days when I feel really drained and have no energy at all I'm still going strong. I too have taken the alternative route and I believe it has saved my life. 

Hi JKJ, 

im re diagnosed with breast mets, in my liver and bones too! I've been given 12-24 months. You mention alternative, please share your alternative route with me. It's awful xxx