My mum is terminally ill with cancer

Hi

This is the 1st time I have posted anything and I'm hoping that by sharing my sadness on here it'll help me to cope with the eventual loss of my beloved mum. She was diagnosed with cancer of the Vulva back in March, went through 7 weeks of Radiotherapy which unfortunately didn't work as they thought it would. So the next option was being referred to see if surgery was a viable option only to be told it wasn't. Mum has fought on so bravely staying at home for as long as she could still trying to keep everything going. We/she is now at the stage of bring in a hospice which was a huge relief for me as I was constantly worrying had she eaten, got to bed ok, taken her tablets (she lived with a partner but it all became too much for them both) I still worry if she's ok etc but I know she's receiving the best care possible and is being kept comfortable which for me is a comfort. I would have loved for her to come to stay with me but she was worried she would do something that frightened my chikdren, her grandchildren. My daughters (11&7) know she has cancer but not that it's terminal, I really don't know whether to tell them she is dying or not. Anyone else had/having a similar experience I would love some advice please. I am an only child so have no siblings to help or chat too, sometimes I feel so alone but I stay strong for my children. 

Thank you for reading.

  • I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. My mum has been living with cancer for just over a year, until October she was in great health. But since October she has been so poorly, she has not been able to keep any food down and has become so weak. She has been in hospital since Christmas Eve but we have recently been told that the cancer had spread to the meninges of her brain, and that her life expectancy is a few months. I can totally relate with all your worries. I hate the thought of her being here alone. I think you should tell your children, it will make the situation less confusing for them. Although I am not a child anymore, I am recently 21. It just makes it so much easier to understand and rationalise when you have a full picture. Of course, regardless of whether you tell them or not they will find it difficult, I just believe honesty is the best policy here. Feel free to post back, I am also an only child and I know it can feel very lonely, even with multiple family members checking up on you. Best wishes to you and your family, x
  • How are you coping? My mum hasn't secondary bone cancer - and as of today likely it has likely spread to the brain. The thought of losing my mum seems unbearable. 

  • Thank you for your reply. I am so very sorry to hear about your mum. The thought of losing my mum is unbearable too, we used to do so much together my heart aches to have her well. To top off my stress levels my dad was rushed into hospital Wednesday afternoon and is critically ill in intensive care, it's touch and go if he will pull through. Which is why I haven't had a chance to reply until now. Best wishes to you and your family. Stay strong.x
  • My heart goes out to you hun i feel the same regarding my own children 18, 11, 10 and 4 they know nana is sick again but i cant tell them shes not going to make it this time i cant accept it myself ..... its soo hard 

    Sorry for just commenting this is my 1st time on this page too ..... Just feel really lost and found myself here sending u my love n prayers xxx

  • Hi soverysad so sorry 2 read about u mum and now u dad is ill my heart goes out 2 u all hope u dad pulls through its so sad :( my mother terminal with bowel cancer it's inoperable and no treatment we doesn't know how long she got because my mother doesn't want 2 know it's so heart breaking.take care sending u big hugs x 

  • Don't be sorry for commenting, thank you for commenting.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mum and my heart goes out to you too. Life is so cruel sometimes and knowing my mum is dying is soooooo hard. I go into see her with a smile on my face but inside my heart is broken.

    My dad passed away last night which has been a traumatic experience also (my mum and dad were longer together, so at least she is spared grieving for her husband as well as everything else) but at least his passing was relatively quick and painless, unlike my poor lovely mum

    Sending you hugs and love. Xxx

     

  • Hi Gemini39

    Sadly my dad passed away last night it was awful but at least for him it was relatively quick and painless.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mum it's extremely heart breaking isn't it. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare at the moment

    Sending hugs and love to you. Xx

  • I'm so sorry 4 u loss of u dad my heart goes out 2 u all take care of u self :( 

  • I have just found out my mom has secondary bone cancer and she's terminal I'm in shock can't stop crying I have have already lost my dad and the thaught of losing my mom is unbearable.

  • Hiya iam so sorry to hear bout it mum.

    My mumnpassed away when I were 11, my sister looked after us last year she was diagnosed with lung cancer dat spread to brain try he doctors told us she's only got as bout a year this year in austust we lost my sister 2days before dat my partner has just bin Gould he has 6-12,months he has 2diffrent cancers bladder,and pancreas,I( think data has you spell it),an last week they tould him they have found as growth on his liver,

    Thank you for lettin me reply it makes me feel better as at momentni feel so lost