In the last couple of days i've read one or two bits about some good things they are trialling for cancer and it's been nice to see as for ages they have just been ramming down our necks that 1 in 2 of us will get so me and other half sit and look at each other and wonder which one of us it'll be! You've hit the nail on the head Brian, it's about wanting to hear some positives about the future for cancer instead of all the bad.

My mum rung me a short time ago to tell me when the send off is (I hate the word funeral) and she asked me how I was and in honesty today I feel a strange determination and positivity as though my Dad is channeling it toward me, she said she wished she felt like that and I feel heartache for her and I totally get that losing a partner is a very different beast - i've been with my fella for nearly 14 years now and i'm lost without him when he goes on a weeks course! But then she isn't alone as the world is full of people that get widowed and dust themselves off and find a new normal and one day that could easily be me in that position.

It's weird as I feel guilty for feeling strong at a time like this but then I think what does it achieve to feel any other way, my dad never did negativity at all and wouldn't want it either. At the weekend I never felt so raw and heartbroken in my life and hated feeling like that but having a good cry all day sunday seemed to set me up right.

Thanks for caring Brian xx

Hi Jules79,

Thanks for the reply. I do honestly believe that crying is natures inbuily safety valve and release all those built up tensions. Far better to release those emotions than to bottle them up.

Sending kind thoughts your way, Brian.