sad daughter

My dad was diagnosise with stomach cancer 9 years ago this week. He had radiotherapy, brachytherapy, a stent and simce his diagnosis he was also told it would be terminal. At Easter he entered a crisis period and was admitted to a hopsice for 5 days for assessment and eventulayy spet 4 weeks there. During this time we said goodbye 4 timees but he rallied and was eventually dicsharged to a nursing home with Fast track funding. Initially he was doing well but over the last twi weeks hehas deteriorated daily. He has a syringe driver so is not in pain ( a blessing). However, he cannot eat - and has no wish to do so, any fluids he takes he vomits back up fairly instantly, he is very emaciated and has become very frail, lethargic and is now unable to sustain interaction for longer than 10 minutes at a time...even during this time he is not very 'with it'. The home, who soecilaise in palliative nursing care and have been excellent, have told me to ensure that when I say goodbye each day to remember that it could be the last time. I have arranged for faimily who don't live locally to see him. I am frustrated as I have no indication of how long his body can sustain this for...its clear that he is very very poorly. I am grateful for the additional time I have had with him, but find the uncertainity and lack of knowledge about how imminenet things are very difficult to deal with. Being strong for other family, the daily requests for updates, visiting dad and looking after my own family with two young children is tough at this time. My work family have been amazing and supportive of my decision to still work as it allows me to distract myself. So my questions are, does anyone have any idea how long my dad will have - no-one will give me a timescale and how can i manage the demands of extended families request for updates without having to feel like I am relieving everything that is happening on a dilay basis which leaves me emotional and exhausted. Usually I can be quite good at being strong and managing it all - been dealing with it for 9 years, but rigt now it's becoming overwhelming.

 

 

  • Hi,

    So sorry to read about your Dad and I noticed that you'd not had any replies, it is hard to say how long your Dad has left. I'm guessing you've asked his doctor and any nurses who were involved in setting up the syringe driver.

    Based on what you've written and my experience with my Mum I'd guess the end is days away but it is hard to say. Mum slipped away not long after she was put onto the syringe driver, but my Grandad (they both died of bowel cancer) stubbornly clung on for far longer than expected.

    Best wishes

    Dave

  • i don't think anyone will really know how much longer your dad will have but during the time you do spend together try and rember how your dad used to be and think about the happy memories not the sad ones. Try and stay strong.

    Laura x

  • Such sad news, my Jo had a syringe driver for the last two weeks or so before she passed away but she went downhill fast when she stopped eating or taking in fluids during the last three days. Treasure every single day you have and create good memories is my tip and don't worry about when the last day will be.