Hi Emma, 

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad and our thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time. I don't think anyone is ever really prepared even when they know the end is coming but try to concentrate on making the most of the time you do have left together if you can.

Many of our members will know exactly how you are feeling right now as well having been in similar situations themselves and I'm sure they will pop by soon to offer their support and share their experiences with you but in the meantime just remember that you are not alone and we are here for you if you need us.

Best Wishes, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Emma, welcome to the forum, but I'm sorry for why you're here. I know you are heartbroken about your Dad being terminally ill with this terrible disease. I remember way back when I was facing the same thing with my Dad and he was the first really significant person for me to lose in my life. Back then, people didn't really talk about cancer like they do today and those of us with a loved one diagnosed with it, were left to flounder in an unknown world. It was a nighmare for me as I was the one taking him to hospital for treatments, X-rays etc. and no one talked!!!  The doctors either didn't know what to say, or if they did, they wouldn't say it. My Mom was a "take care of everything person" but she needed to have information on what was happening, but trying to get answers was like pulling teeth; we just couldn't get any answers. It was a nightmare! It also happened quite quickly with my Dad as he only lived 5 months after diagnosis. It was one of the hardest challenges I faced up to that point in my life. Losing my Dad to cancer was the first of many heartaches I faced in my life. I have an idea of how difficult this is for you and your Mom. I am so sorry you are going through this difficult time.

Since I spent a lot of time with my Dad during his illness, he and I became really close and we did talk about a lot of things then. I knew as time went on that he was going to die with his disease and so did he, but we stopped short of dwelling on it. He did share a lot with me about his life as a child, his family and sibblings, and what he hoped for us kids for the future. I treasure the memories of those times at the end of his life that we had together.

As hard as it is for you, spend time with your Dad and encourage him to talk about anything he wants to talk about, even his impending death, if he and you are comfortable with that. Ask him what you want to know. (I'm assuming he is still conscious and able to have a conversation.) Come on here to the forum and get support from the many people here who have been where you are now, and who understand how difficult this is for you. I'm sure both your Dad and your Mom really appreciate you being there for them, as they are for you.

Let us know how you are as you go through this difficult time.

Sending hugs.

Lorraine  

Hi Emma so sorry for what you are going through no one is  ever prepared for the death of a loved one no matter how long the doctors say they have got I lost my husband to lung cancer after been diagnosed for only 6 weeks and yes there are so many things we want to say I don't know if your dad is conscious or not my husband was sedated for 4 days I just kept talking to him all the time you do the same he may not talk back to you but he will hear everything you say my husband has only been gone 7 weeks this horrible disease is so cruel  sending hugs x 

Hi Emma

i am going through exactly the same! Dad was diagnosed in December after months of going the doctors! He has deteriorated drastically in the last 3 weeks and is now at home getting palliative care! I can't remember the last one I smiled, felt happy or had a minus were I didn't picture my dads death! It's a very frightening and scary feeling. I joined this forum recently and it really does help and give me peace of mind that I'm not alone and there are others feeling and who understand exactly what I am going through! Dad has no life all he is doing is sleeping and getting woken up for needles and to have tablets shoved down his throat, I have a little bit of comfort knowing that soon he will be at peace and rest which is all he wants to do. God bless babes and in thinking about you too

Dear Wishy, I'm sorry you lost your husband, it really is the most horrible disease.

I've read that in a few places that our loved ones can still hear us, in the fleeting moments Dad is awake he does seem able to look around him, and  we all sit with him talking, to him and each other, so I hope hes able to find some comfort that hes surroiunded by those who love him.

Hi Bonnie, 

Thanks for your reply, I'm so sorry your Dad has this awful disease too.

Thats the only comfort I can find at the moment-that my Dad will soon be free from this awful suffering, hes not had an real quality of life in so long, and now, watching him slowly fade away is just awful.

Hi Emma 

I know how you feel my mum was diagnosed last year in october with lung cancer stage 4 small cell. 

She had six rounds chemo and looked great in herself and still energetic going out n about all the time.  She had two weeks of brain radiotherapy after but after one week they said the cancer was back gave her 4-12week.

that was February it's 14week today and the past four weeks she has lost nearly a stone and all her energy. Pushing herself to eat but just doesn't seem to want anything. She has just come back from a week of respite in the Dougie mamillan which she enjoyed the rest.  

Is awful watching them become so poorly and loosing their ability to enjoy life. She lives alone but is refusing any help at the present but the nurse coming tomorrow so we are going to ask for a little care at home for showers etc.

just spend as much time as you can with your father I lost mine 8yrs ago to emphasemia on valentines day x

big hugs x

Hi Emma

So sorry that you have lost your Dad to this terrible illness.  Stay on here for support and the obvious support that you have given others.

River