Hi, I'm so sorry to hear of your situation your currently in. My situation is weirdly the exact same. Dad found out a couple of months back he had a Tumour and it was terminal and he's also gone downhill so fast. He was just retired ready to spend some relaxing years with my mum, and I was also working at the other end of the country at the time and have quit my job to come home to help. He's lost all interest in food and can't get out of bed to walk. 

When you first see him you will be shocked, he will have lost a lot of weight and it will be very upsetting the first day or two. I know exactly how you feel, I was so scared to get home to see how skinny, I'll and weak my dad looked.

but, after a couple of days you will get used to it in a way. You'll realise now is the time to enjoy the last few weeks of his life together with him, helping him and keeping him nice and comfortable. You'll also see that your dad is still your dad, and if it's anything like mine he will be dealing with it so bravely even though he knows what's happening to him. 

Im dreading when it actually happens, but for now all you can do is try your best to push that to the back of your head and enjoy the time you have with him. 

Hi, thanks for the reply, I'm really sorry you find yourself in this situation too.

Respect to your for giving up work to help care for him, I can only imagine how hard that must be to see someone you love grow weaker day by day.

I'm aware that my Mum glosses over things slightly with regards to how my Dad is, I know the last time I saw him he was unrecognisable from how he has always looked.

My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer too in March.  I have spoken to others who have lost their parents too soon and taken some of those lessons.

I spend time telling my dad about how amazing our life has been, and discuss all the wonderful things and memories we had.  I tell him I love him and hug him every time I see him.

My friends say now is the time to say all those things you thought you should some day, so don't wait to do so.  Remind him how amazing he is and how you are going to live your life to the full to honour him and all the sacrifices he made for you.

I also had another friend tell me that she told her dad not to hang on if he was in pain or suffering, even though she did not want him to go.  She said that her dad passed away shortly after receiving this reassurance that he could rest in peace.

I don't know what works for everyone, these are just collective experiences I am sharing, so sorry if they are not helpful.

I do wish you much strength through this impossible time xxxx

Thank you both for the good advice.

I've tried to be "there" from a distance, daily contact, sending shopping, and gifts for them both, but now its sort of a relief to be able to be with them both.

The change in my Dad, even from a few weeks ago is devastating, he has another infection, so is either sleeping or talking nonsense, he doesn't want to eat and even just encouraging him to drink a little is a struggle:(

Hi Emma, so sorry to hear about your Dad. Your situation sadly mirrors mine, I lost my Dad 6 weeks ago exactly a month after his diagnosis.

He had pancreatic cancer which had already spread to his liver by the time it was diagnosed. I live 45 minutes away and was laid up with flu for a week, but the change in him in that time really shocked me. He hadn't been sleeping and had no appetite, I think this common with most cancers but especially the liver. 

We managed to keep him at home with help from a hospice at home service (is there one in your parents area?) the district nurses & carers who came in every day were amazing. It was still incredibly hard and we often wondered if we were doing the right thing.  Despite all the help we felt very alone when the nurses/GP left, but after 2 days on a syringe driver he passed away quietly in his sleep with the sun streaming through the window. 

The deterioration was quick & relentless, & it was also a struggle to get him to drink or "eat" (liquid food) but he felt sick so no wonder. We were told not to worry about it but we did, as you would. 

I hope it helps to know you're not alone dealing with this, and please remember to look after yourself as well. Xx

Thanks for you reply, I'm sorry you lost your Dad.

We've got a really good nurse and carers popping in too, Dad wanted to be at home, so at least hes getting his wish, its just soul destroying to watch such a quick detoriation.