Hi there Benjamin I have just read your post and I wanted to reply I know how you feel my mum too has recently been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer my parents are like yours also my dad lives for my mum he does not cope well with situations like these well ,I know no one does but mum is his world. It's is the worst feeling what you mention heart broken I never knew it really until now I've started to refer to it in my head as " when devastation came to my town " because that's what it is a massive bomb that has been dropped and you know it's going to leave a hole that won't close . Like you I can't imagine seeing my mum go and I can't imagine not having her here to talk to she's my best friend not just my mum :( like you I am strong in front of mum because I can't imagine how she must be feeling . You are not alone even though it feels like it I am 29 and so not ready to lose her and then the worry that my dad won't cope .big hug to you 

Just another thought for you I'm sure you already know but my hospital has a Cancer centre where they can offer you help as a family it may be looking into yours too worth a shot if not your Macmillan nurse should be able to help we haven't got one yet but I'm told they can help support with stuff like this too X 

Hi Benjamin - I was trying to post a bit less on the forum and get on with non-cancer life but saw your post and felt I had to reply.

You see I'm at the other end of this journey now - my wife died last year, and my daughter was 21 and my son 22. Now I'm over the worst of it and getting back to rebuilding life with sadness but an eye to the future. There doesn't seem another side for you now I know, but there is one - trust me.

It sounds to me as if your mother has had (is having) a pleural effusion with fluid caused by the cancer building up in the lungs. Yes this is a dangerous condition. My wife had this when she was first diagnosed with a form of ovarian cancer and it very nearly got her then. As it happened they got her stable and with the chemo we got another 3 years. The problem was she needed to be stable to have chemo (as your mothers doctors rightly say) but she needed the chemo to stop the fluid. Eventually the fluid stopped long enough for the chemo to start,

Of course your mother's cancer is different  and my wife was always a large woman and in some ways that helped - her diabetic nurse always wanted her to lose weight and her oncologist always said he'd never met a bad calorie!

This is a difficult time and from the description of events you give it sounds very touch and go for your mother at the moment and it could go either way quite quickly. While you wait for things to turn remember don't look ahead too far just yet, dont start your grieving too early there will be plenty of time for that! She'll be worried about what will happen to you after so show her that you'll be able to cope that you're strong and independant. Spend what time you can with her not talking about the cancer - distract her have some fun if you can, read a book to her chat about past memories whatever it might be.

Twinklestar is right about McMillan they can be really great and very helpful - check out http://www.macmillan.org.uk/ and phone them and talk to them that's what they're there for get your dad to as well they can help with everything from a bit of emotional support to advice on money matters. They are also very good at shaking up doctors and nurses and getting things moving quickly.

Good luck - be strong

Twinklestar, It's the worst news one can receive and you think it only happens to other people... This is a wake up call and very difficult to take in. A big hug right back to you. Even though it seems impossible, I'm going to try my damnest to be as strong as I can for mom and I'm sure you will to. I wish you peace and tranquility.                  

GrahamM, I'm spending as much time as virtually possible, with the fact that I've got to work and all... I feel like doing anything other than being with her is a waste of precious time but she's always been and kept everything clean and tidy so I'm trying to make sure I keep it clean and tidy round the house as well. I guess as well as bothering me because of that sense of wasting valuable time, it also helps to help me feel like I'm doing it for her. I'm cherishing and holding on to every minute I am with her. Even though the doctors have told her there's not much they can do for her at this point, she's not willing to give up without a fight. We're with her, fighting till the end!

Yes it really is . I have found cancer chat quite good as a place of support so if you ever need to talk. Try and keep a bright light X 

Thats all you can do.

I'm sure she's very proud of you

I'm so sad to say that my mother passed away yesterday morning.... Thank you for the support anyway guys. All the best.

Hi BenjaminM

Sorry that your mother passed away.

Best wishes to you and your family at this sad time.

Jane