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I'm dying of cancer & have weeks to live

I have cancer for the second time & now have a few weeks to live. I'm a 46 year old female. I have cancer in my pelvis, small bowel & around my liver. My bowels haven't worked since Oct/Nov. So as a result I can't eat & have been in hospital since Nov being fed thru a picc line. But it has caused major vomiting & so now I've had to stop the feed. And I now must accept I will die in a very short space of time. 

I am totally heartbroken. I always believed I would be healed. I've juiced, attended a herbalist, reiki, visualisation, meditation, positive thinking, the list goes on. But I've been told my small bowel is totally matted & there is nothing can be done. I met the love of my life 2 years ago & we're engaged. I had always suffered from anxiety & problems from childhood & went to counselling when I had cancer 5 years ago. I truly feel my life is only just beginning & now I'm dying. 

How can I make peace with dying? I was online shopping last week buying loads of clothes for the year ahead I was so sure I would be healed. I've just read Anita Moorjani's book Dying to be Me who had an amazing Near Death Experience & from what she says there is nothing to fear from death & I do believe that. I just feel heartbroken cos I don't feel my time on earth is finished. I have so many hopes plans & dreams. :-( 

  • Still thinking of you Rhonda.

    Hazel xx

  • Rhonda, still thinking of you, Hazel x

  • We all are x

  • My heart goes out to you it really does. My husband is terminal he has been given 12 months no more.....he is only 59 and since the oncologist gave us his life expectancy it's like a clock is ticking in his head.....it's so so cruel. ....but I live in hope he can prove the experts wrong however the chemotherapy is really taking it out of him....I question is it the right thing to continue with something that is making him so sick. I sincerely hope you find some comfort from this forum and know that people on here are thinking about you. Big hugs xxx

  • Hi AnnaL,

    Tell him to hang in there, the last weeks of chemo were the hardest for me but some of us do manage to prove how stupid these estimates of life expectancy are. It is now over two and a half years since I was told I had stage 4 oesophageal cancer and had between 2 and 12 months to live - maybe 6 months longer if I had chemo. 

    Best wishes
    Dave

  • Hi Dave

    Thank you so much for this reply I have just told my husband your story. His cancer is Stage 3 N1 M1....he has his scan on 22 April to check how things are progressing I keep telling him he has to prove the oncologist wrong. He is on EOX. I just wish there was something he could take to boost his immune system as it's very low and he keeps getting head colds and is very tired and lethargic .  Cheers again Dave

  • Stage 4 T3N3M1 here (the T3 being size of the cancer - grown through the oeesophageal wall but not into surrounding organs), N3 meaning 7 or more lymph nodes are affected) and M1 meaning it has spread to different parts of the body.

    I was on EOX too, so I can empathise with him. The side effects seemed to accumulate with each cycle but, apart from my toes feeling cold much of the time, they mostly disappeared within a week or two after my final infusion and altogether once I came of the cr*ppycetabine. 

    It might be worth looking into food supplements to try to boost his immune system, especially if the chemo is putting him off his food and making it hard to maintain a healthy diet. Your GP or pharmacist should be able to help - as will the nurses on here if you call them or post something in the Ask a Nurse section.

    Good luck with the scan results :-)
    Dave  

  • Hi Dave we had hoped he could be operated on but the laporoscopy showed there were malignant cells in the wall of his stomach which is why they said palliative chemotherapy only.  He still has his appetite albeit he doesn't eat as much as he used to and he has a supply of Ensure drinks should he need them.

    Like i said before I just wish there was something to counteract the tiredness and lethargy he has got and when he feels really low the oncologists life expectancy comes to the forefront of his mind and I am exhausted trying to keep him thinking positive 

    It's so good to talk to someone who understands what we are going through.  Thank you for all your input 

  • Did you survive? Let me know if your alive because I read all of those comments and felt sad that you had so many weeks... if I you haven't sadly passed let me know, it would lighten my day
  • I would love to know if this lady survived.bi felt heartbroken reading her posts xx