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I'm dying of cancer & have weeks to live

Swiftgirl69
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I have cancer for the second time & now have a few weeks to live. I'm a 46 year old female. I have cancer in my pelvis, small bowel & around my liver. My bowels haven't worked since Oct/Nov. So as a result I can't eat & have been in hospital since Nov being fed thru a picc line. But it has caused major vomiting & so now I've had to stop the feed. And I now must accept I will die in a very short space of time. 

I am totally heartbroken. I always believed I would be healed. I've juiced, attended a herbalist, reiki, visualisation, meditation, positive thinking, the list goes on. But I've been told my small bowel is totally matted & there is nothing can be done. I met the love of my life 2 years ago & we're engaged. I had always suffered from anxiety & problems from childhood & went to counselling when I had cancer 5 years ago. I truly feel my life is only just beginning & now I'm dying. 

How can I make peace with dying? I was online shopping last week buying loads of clothes for the year ahead I was so sure I would be healed. I've just read Anita Moorjani's book Dying to be Me who had an amazing Near Death Experience & from what she says there is nothing to fear from death & I do believe that. I just feel heartbroken cos I don't feel my time on earth is finished. I have so many hopes plans & dreams. :-( 

  • Offline in reply to haze44

    Hazel

    Of course I don't think you're gloating!!  I think you sound like a loving beautiful lady & I appreciate your kind words so much. I have never even been on a forum before & it is just so comforting to message people who know something of what I'm going through. 

    Please keep in touch. And I will too.

    Rhonda xx 

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    I am so sorry to hear about your prognosis.  46 is no age to be facing this.   I am 51 and have secondary cancer and am going through whatever treatment I need to do until this awful disease takes me or we can find that miracle cure.  I hope that the hospital are keeping you comfortable and you are finding chatting to people on here keeps you going.  Lots of love xxxxx

  • Offline in reply to Swiftgirl69

    Thank you and I wish you all the best. I just got back from radiation and it really got me good today. I just have to slow down and not do what i did .. its ok.. bye hun and good lluck

  • Offline in reply to loves to sing

    Loves to sing

    Thank you for replying.  The hospital nurses are nothing short of amazing. We're more friends now than staff patient. I can see their lips trembling holding back tears if I have a bad day. They're so used to me being upbeat & positive.  

    Even though I've been told my bowel cannot be fixed & I'm going to die I still believe I'm going to survive. I'm still shopping for clothes online for summer lol. I don't know if that's good or bad. 

    I wish you all the best with your treatment.  

    Xxxx Rhonda 

     

  • Offline in reply to DannyH

    Danny

    Just listen to your body & rest when you need it. Hope you're okay. 

     

    Sweet dreams x

  • Offline in reply to Swiftgirl69

    Thank you for that reassurance, Rhonda, and for your kind words.  

    I'm so pleased that the nurses are caring for you so well and are now friends, that must be a comfort to you.  I hope they give you a hug now and then, and your lovely fiancé, mustn't forget him.  I bet they are helping you choose your new clothes, too!  I was an aux. nurse before I retired, and my colleagues and I did all those things with great pleasure.  

    God bless.

    Hazel x

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Offline in reply to haze44

    Hazel 

    Yes all the nurses are fantastic in every way. 

    Keep in touch.

    Best wishes 

    Rhonda xx 

  • Offline in reply to Swiftgirl69

    That's great, Rhonda.  

    Hope you have a peaceful night, my love.

    Hazel xxx

  • Offline

    Hi Swiftgirl,

     

    I am sorry :( My dad also small bowel cancer with metastasis to his liver. He can't eat anything and if he does, the throws up right away :( It is so heartbreaking! Stay positive, swiftgirl, I am sending you a lot of hugs! 

  • Offline in reply to inga

    Hi Inga 

    Thank you for replying. I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. I'm sure it's heartbreaking watching someone you love suffer like this. 

    I'm sending you lots of hugs & I'll have your dad in my prayers. 

    Lots of love 

    Rhonda 

     

     

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