My name is Dave I'm 46 and I had stage 4 large b cell lymphoma and after 6 rounds of chemo which didn't work I had my spleen removed,  I was always tired after the operation but was told my fatigue would go away which it hasn't. All the blood results were looking good and I had been clear for almost a year.  Then I started to get a sore right shoulder and a pain under the ribs and my stomach sticks out at the top so I went to the doctor's where I discovered I had lost 2 kgs in 6 weeks I currently weigh 56 kg.  She sent me for a scan on my back that came back negative but the pain never went away and now Im just a little bit yellow so I went back.  The look on my doctors face said more than she did. She wouldnt look me in the eye. Now I'm just waiting to see the Oncologist to confirm what I suspect and that is my cancer is back and its my liver.  I dont know what to do. I'm either shouting at my son or in my room crying why me.  The last 3 years have been so hard on me going through the chemo treatment by myself (I wouldnt let my son come) and now the thought of having to do it all again is daunting. I'm scared at the moment so alone and in a world of pain. Scared I wont beat this it feels worse than before and I dont have any reserves left I can feel every bone in my body.  I just need words of support from people who have been there and beaten it cause at the moment I feel its fatal and no one will tell me otherwise