my Auntie was diagnosed with Breat Cancer ages ago. She had her boobies removed and lots of cruel treatments and the cancer went away.
A couple years later the Cancer is back with a vengeance.
It has literally spread all over her body, to places I didn't even know you could get cancer?
So we Wer told she was terminal.
My Auntie continued with various treatments and she went up and down better and worse.
Just recently my Aunt had a seizure which allowed the Drs to discover massive tumours on her brain or something.
We have even more recently been told that nothing is working.
And last night my mother received a phone call from my uncle to say basically, my auntie had been sent home from hospital to die.
She couldn't even tell me so text it me. Even though I was sat right next to her. And said she doesn't want to talk about it.
After initially crying, my first thought was how do I tell my daughter? What if she dies on her birthday, or the funerals on her party?
This morning I told my 3 year old that my auntie would be going to live in the Sky soon. Of course she doesn't fully understand but she asked if she was going to live with my Grandad so we had a discussion.
The whole time all I could think was how do I take her to the funeral, how do I explain once she's gone that's it we don't why to see her again? What does a 3 year old wear to a funeral? Do I need to explain it to her more?
To tell you the truth our families have grown apart since my Grandad died of cancer, only visiting a couple times a year for the past 14ish years, but every phone call I think it's going to be 'the time' I want to go and visit and say our goodbyes.
But I feel it's not for her, or even really to make myself feel better but just so my little one can understand better.
I don't even know if she really knows who she is, but I don't want there to be a time she asks about her or anything and I can't answer. I wnat her to see my auntie and maybe be able to know that sometimes it's better to be out of pain.
I don't even know any more. I'm so scared, Iv fully accepted that she is going no to die. I accepted that years ago. But I'm scared this will affect my daughter as losing both my Granddads to this foul disease destroyed me in a way I will never get over.
What do I do to help my mum, see my auntie, comfort my mum and not go crazy? I feel I have no one to talk to. And don't want to pressure my mum into talking about it. I wnat to help my daughter understand as full as possible at her age.
Sorry this is probably all just a messy rant but I have no one at the minute and my phone is freaking out everytime I type this so I can't even see if any makes sense!
