Dear  Wolfie, have just read your message, and feel so, so sad for you and your family.  PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE  contact the nurses and/or the moderators by using the drop-down menu at top of the page, I am sure they will be able to help with information about your problems.

My heart goes out to you, 

Hazel x

Hi wolfie14 and haze44

Welcome to Cancer Chat wolfie and sorry to hear of all that you, your wife and daughter are going through at the moment.

Our nurses could help answer any questions you may have and the quickest way of contacting the team is via our helpline.

You can call freephone: 0808 800 4040 from Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm.

Please come back and let us know how you are getting on, whenever you feel like sharing your feelings and receiving support from the lovely people here.

Best wishes

Jane

Hi Woolfie,

Wow 3 weeks has been really sudden hasn't it?

My wife was diagnosed with peritoneal cancer 3 years ago and died 6 weeks ago so I had a lot more time to get my head around it compressing that process into just a few weeks boggles my mind - especially with younger children (mine are in their 20s).

I guess the doctors really don't have answers to the questions you have about how long your wife has and they don't want to mislead you.

Don't get too worried about missing her passing - I was determined to be there for my wife too but when it happened there was no clear cut time when she lost conciousness, she was in and out and then was about a day unconcious. Her breating slowed and became irratic for some time and at the end there were a few small shudders and that was it. She really had no idea I or anyone else was there.

So yes be there for her if you can but if you miss it or have to be with your daughter that's probably going to be more important.

Use this time wisely there are things I wish I'd done, things I'd not asked, photos not taken - sounds like you're already thinking of this - I know my wife's greatest regret was not living to see grandchildren - I wish I'd gotten her to write a letter for them if they came - maybe your wife would like to 

It is so hard to know what to do, but my heart goes out to you and your daughter. My husband is on denial. He is 80, everyday he gets thinner, today his total intake has been a glass of milk.  He does not want to go to a hospice or nursing home. I am finding it difficult, I am not afraid, but hate going into his bedroom in the morning. We just take every day as it comes. I have no family in this country, his are not interested. I think doctors are vague because they honestly don't know any more than we do. I was told, it could be days, weeks or he could go suddenly. I was also told not to put my life on hold! I wish you and your daughter love.