Hi tonim

Am sorry to read the reason you have found your way to this forum but wanted to welcome you (it can be a little more quiet during the weekends so  I am sure more 'readers' will respond soon).  Your have through been so much already and then to be left with a somewhat unclear 'incurable' diagnosis to take in must be traumatic (with my husband he was given this information following three months of tests and even before any palliative treatment).  Do you have a specialist breast nurse already?  I only ask as a long term friend who spent many years 'throwing off cancer' as she put it, had a specialist nurse whom she could talk to about all aspects of her diagnosis/treatment etc.

  I am really sorry I cannot give you simple answers, can understand the emotions this kind of conversation must have caused  and think perhaps  you need to arrange to talk it through with your medical team/GP.  Its a lot to get your head round and if you need to talk to someone it could be an idea to call the nurses on this site (freephone from landlines and most mobiles Mon to Fri 9-5 on 0808 800 4040)

You are always welcome to chat and offload anytime on this forum and do let us know how you get on if you would like to.Hopefully those forum chums who have more understanding of your issues will be along soon to offer support. Regards  Jules54

Hi there tonim, welcome to the forum but sorry for the reason that you're here. What a huge piece of bad news you just received. You have been through so much and I'm sure that thinking the treatments and surgeries you've had led you to believe that things would work out good in the end. What a big disappontment for you to hear after all you've been through. I'm sure too, that because you look well, it would be hard to think this would happen. Digesting this information would be mind blowing for sure and I wish I had some words of wisdom to give you but I don't. There are several posters on here who are in the same or similar situation as you and I'm sure they will come along soon to share their experiences with you. This is what we do on here; give and receive support for the challenges we face. It does help. My situation hasn't reached the same proportions as yours as yet, but I'm thinking I will face the same news in the not to distant future. People here are very caring and supportive. Please come on here anytime you want to vent, cry or rant. Writing can be a good way to release some of the anger and frustration, fear and helplessness that we face with a cancer diagnosis.

Take care of yourself. I hope you have loved ones around you that can give you support through this. I know you said in your post that your daughter is 5 months pregnant with her first child. Not likely you want to burden her with too much right now. What a terrible predicament to be in. Please find a loved one or a good friend to confide in. You need someone to wrap their arms around you right now and give you one big hug. I will send a virftual hug to you. I hope that will help until you get a real one. Please post again to let us know how you are doing.

Hugs

Lorraine  

Oh Tonim,
What can I say?  Is there an opportunity to get a second opinion.?  You have had such a rough trot but appear to be fighting the good fight.  Keep fighting my friend.  You have so much to live for. Treatments are improving all the time.
This is a wonderful site of caring loving people.  I hope someone with personal experience of what you are going through will be on soon to assist and offer words of assistance.
Sending you a big hug,
Kathy x
 

Thanks x 

Thanks x 

Thanks x 

Hi, Tonim, I can imagine the shock you are feeling, especially after all you have been through.

I, too, have incurable cancer but was told that doesn't mean it's not treatable.  I have had a hysterectomy for womb and cervical cancer, but I now have peritoneal and pelvic cancers, plus cancer around my bowel and enlarged nodules.  I refused radio and chemotherapy and they have given me hormone tablets instead which have shrunk a few tumours. 

I think they are being much more sensible these days and not putting a time limit on us. There is so much they can do with new treatments.  Please, please don't cry, be positive and think positive.  Enjoy every day. I will be thinking of you, please let us know how things are. 

Thank you Pauline. I've been sitting here all evening crying. Of all the articles I've read majority of people only live 1 to 2 years. The thought of leaving my daughter and her new child rips me apart. I'm only 52. The thought that my grandchildren won't remember me the person. I'm going to miss so much. The doctor was quite horrid, just said its gone to your lungs and its incurable. Sorry.

Then I was walked to the quiet room and called my daughter and son. My worlds been turned upside down and I don't know what to do. 

Hi tonim

So pleased to see that you have had other people come to offer supporting words.  I think most people on here would say 'googling' stories does not always help as each case is an individual. I know its easy for me to say as I am not the one facing your position  and I think you are still in shock from the nasty way you were told by a somewhat insensitive professional and the news he gave you especially as you were alone. Its a huge thing to process (even though it was my husband who delivered his news to me, I felt bereft and it was hard to accept). Telling our children was probably the hardest thing we had ever had to do as parents but it did mean we did not have to pretend any more that everything was ok. We were all in a state but we were in it together which helped.   I am sure you are  now feeling absolutely shattered but  try and take in Pauline's words too. Seek the support of those around you (bet they are fantastic already, take your time to let it sink in, talk here if you find it helpful (I did as there was less of an emotional link and it helped to write it down).

  Do you have another appointment to attend where they will discuss your continuing options for your ongoing treatment choices. My best friend had breast cancer/secondaries in bones, liver, lungs and her journey lasted 22 years (diagnosed just after the  birth of her third son) and defied her doctors to become a granny three times over, gain a teaching degree and teach, and re-write several bucket lists so you could be a 'minority' rather than a 'majority'  story  Sending virtual hugs. Jules

Tonim,

Sorry to read your story, I know only too well the feeling of desolation that comes with an "incurable" prognosis. You won't get a straight answer from anyone about how long you have because there genuinely are so many variables. 

There is a positive side to this. All "estimated" survival periods are based on average survival times, which by their very nature are historic and don't reflect the impact of developments in treatment over recent years. The fact that these are average statistics also means that no account is taken of the age or physical fitness of the patients listed. You are relatively young and have a history of coping with (and recovering from) treatment - both these factors are in your favour. 

There is hope, maybe not as much as you would like, but try to keep fighting and do whatever you can to be one of the small percentage of people who beat the odds. 

Ask awkward questions, get second or third opinions, ask what alternatives there are to your current treatment and above all make sure you enjoy your life too.

Good Luck
Dave
x