Hello,
I guess I will start by introducing myself and telling my story, it's a little overwhelming for me to talk about but I will try my best.
I'm Luke, I'm 22, and I'm here because my mum, who is 42, has been disgnosed with advanced melanoma and given 6 months to live with a new type of chemo. I have an older brother who is 25, and three young sisters, 5, 10 and 15.
She had melanoma 5 years ago, and had surgery to remove it, and the treatment was successful. A few weeks ago she discovered lumps on her back, and after more investigation found them on her groin, stomach, shoulder etc. In the months leading up to this she had been losing a lot of weight and her appetite, but as stobborn as she is, carried on as normal until my dad found the lumps and we were straight down to A&E, and the next month had tests and more tests.
The wait was horrible, not knowing what they were, if it was cancer etc. We all tried to be hopeful that they were just cysts or something.
Gradually over the weeks she became more ill, both I expect from the cancer but also from the anxiety and worry.
On tuesday we recieved the news that it was melanoma and that it had spread to her lungs, stomach, kidney, spleen, pancreas, you get the idea, it's out of our hands now. I totally broke down and ever since have been in total devistation and struggling to cope. Today we found out she will be getting chemo to try and slow down it's grown, but no longer than 6 months. The way she is now makes me think she might not last long at all, and it's so hard to believe.
I'm struggling to accept it, I don't know if this I'm in denial or if this is how it is 'supposed' to feel, but I just don't know what's going on or what to do. All I can think about is my younger sisters and how they are going to cope, and how much of a loss it is going to be for them, growing up without their mother. I'm absolutely heart broken for them, and so angry.
It keeps coming in waves, it's always at the forefront of my mind, but one moment I'm occupied or feeling strong, and then suddenly I'm hit by a sudden realisation of what's going on, and it's scary and daunting. I feel it in my stomach and whole body, like a rush of anxiety but much deeper.
I'm feeling depressed and worried that I'm going to get worse. I am struggling to eat and feel sick most of the time. I can't sleep either. I feel like I need to be strong for my sisters, but I don't know what to do.
I just can't face it sometimes. I'm so scared.
I overheard my mum today talking to my nan about how she feels like her life has been a struggle and she hasn't been able to do most of the things she's always wanted to do, and that absolutely broke my heart. My mum is the kindest and most gentlest woman you could ever meet, and she deserves only the absolute best, but I have always known how unhappy she was (depression is common in my family and I also have suffered).
I know all of these feelings are normal, and I don't know if it's worth speaking to my GP about getting counselling or something?
Has anyone been in my situation and had support from a doctor or therapist or something?
I have my family who I can talk to, but sometimes I feel like a burdon on them, because they are struggling too.
How long will I have to wait before I can speak to someone? I know I can call nurses here, but I feel like I need someone regular who knows my situation. I also want my oldest sister who is 15 to find some kind of help, because she's refusing counselling at her school, but I feel like she needs ALL the support she can get.
Sorry for the long post, I will leave it here altough I still have so much more I'd like to talk about.
, Luke.
