Hi Beryl,

I think you are very brave with your X-mass intentions.  Debbie always did ours and just about managed last year before she was admitted, for the final time, into the hospice two days before Christmas Day.  I took photos but its going to be difficult.  My son is likely to be away as his wife's sister has just had their first.  My daughter says she wants this X-mass to totally different from any before as she doesn't think she could cope with us trying to do it "without Mum!"  So I'm in a bit of a quandary with this one!  I don't know what I want .... the years I moaned about the getting and setting up of a real X-mass tree for Deb to decorate! (I'd have every one of them back ...and moan again!)... and then getting rid of it afterwards!!!  Although I loved it when it was up and the way each year Deb would decorate it with a different theme ... It is so difficult this first time around!!  But then again I guess I'm not alone on this one either?

Lots of virtual love and kind thoughts.

Ian x

Hi Ian

Your Christmases remind me of our Christmases here and it is so very hard and like Deb each year we had a different theme for our tree with David complaining about the mess, but Ian I would givie anything to hear those complaints again.

Why don't you and your daughter book a Christmas meal out you could have table pressures and there would be people around you, I am going to my sons this year so it will be very different as our house was always full but like you I'm not on my own in this.

Take care Ian I am thinking of you

Love and hugs

Beryl xxxx

GOOD EVENING IAN,

JUST THOUGHT I WOULD COME AND SAY HI BEFORE I GO TO BED. HAD A BUSY PERIOD, ESPECIALLY TODAY BEFORE THE INSPECTOR COMES TOMORROW AT 9AM. CLEANED 2 COTTAGES TODAY, 3 OF US TOOK 5I/2 HOURS, SO 16 1/2 WOMAN HOURS. ONE MORE COTTAGE TO CLEAN TOMORROW WHIST HE IS INSPECTING.  THIS SOUNDS DAFT BUT I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THURSDAY WHEN I GO TO SEE THE CONSULTANT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PENNINES. I SHALL GO IN THE MORNING AND HAVE A DAY OFF DOING SHOPPING AND HAVING LUNCH OUT.

IT'S BEEN A LOVELY DAY HERE WEATHER WISE BUT QUITE COLD AND FROSTY FIRST THING.

HOW ARE YOU AT THE MOMENT IAN? I AM SURE YOU ARE HAVING DIFFERENT MOMENTS FROM DAY TO DAY.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TODAY?  I KEEP THINKING OF YOU AND WONDER IF THERE IS ANYTHING I CAN CHAT TO YOU ABOUT TO HELP. SOMETIMES JUST EVERYDAY CHATTING CAN HELP. I HAVE FOUND THAT FROM THE GOOD FOLKS ON HERE.

ANYWAY OFF TO BED NOW. SLEEP WELL

ANNABEL.XX

Hi Ian

Like Annabel, you have been in my thoughts this weekend and with the passing of rememberance day (my emotional'memory' day for my Dad) just want to say hope your weekend was peaceful and that the week ahead will not be too challenging.  Beautiful day here yesterday but already damp and dismal this morning so not looking forward to venturing out to work in around 45mins!

I can understand you finding the forum therapeutic and counselling is not for everyone but hopefully keeping talking on the forum will help, you in some small way, with the emotional rollercoaster that is moving on.

On a very lighthearted  note I got up to a blocked loo and a broken plunger - not what I ordered for breakfast

Take care my virtual friend, sending hugs.  Jules x

Hi Annabel, Jules and Beryl,

Thank you all xxx. Yes I think it's just having the opportunity to think this experience through and share with others who understand that works here ....at least for me.

I have had a very busy weekend that has kept me off of the 'missing' issue! When I was Town Mayor the first time around (14 years ago) I set up a twinning of our town with a town in France.  This weekend, we - the twinning association - had 17 french visitors over for a Grand Fireworks display in a near by village and for the Remembrance.  I agreed to host a lady and was thus occupied ferrying her around to the different events we had set up.  This was fun and kept me gainfully occupied; although the two minutes silence was a little tough.

However, what the weekend made me note was: how I ("We" I suppose, in general) cope.  I was asked a lot by friends (other host families I know) and the french visitors (to whom I and Debbie are very well known) "How are you?" and "How are you coping now?" AND IT BECAME SO EASY to stay in the abstract: as if this was just another day and Debbie was not about! It was only after it was all over that it hit me how by making my responses somehow a little impersonal I left the 'being' out of Debbie!  It becomes easier in time to do this, I am finding.  Talking to others in the abstract about Debbie so as to leave her 'being', and thus my 'emotions', out of the topic.  It is only when I think of Debbie the 'being' ... which is what I do more when I am alone .....that it becomes harder!

I guess that with time, I will learn to cope better by beginning to think about Deb, when I am alone also, more in the abstract: without the 'being' part of her?  Yet, the thought of this now, however realistic it may become, is shocking to me!  but I guess it will eventually begin to happen!?!

Lots of love my dear friends

Ian xxx

Hi Annabel,

I forgot to ask:  What are the inspectors coming for today?

Kind thoughts

xxx

Hi Ian,

The Annual Inspection was for our 3 holiday cottages that we earn our bread and butter from. This is basisally Visit England, but a little more local.

We converted a large barn in our grounds about 5 to 6 years ago for holiday cottages.

We have today achieved 5 stars in all of them, so we are quite pleased and have just been down one of the two village pubs for a celebratory dinner, especially as we were exhausted.

Was going to say to your previous post that you have hit the nail on the head. The essence of being was very succinct. You have a way with words. A lot of thought has gone on beforehand.

Keep chatting Ian, I am still listenig and learning from you.

best wishes and hugs

Annabel. xx

Quick thought Annabel, before I get into bed ..... I hope the pub was 5 stars too!!

Well done xxx

PS My daughter's cat did her piddle at the end of Man Down last Sunday!!  All two seconds of it !!

Morning Annabel

Just wanted to add my congrats to Ian's.  Hard work paid off and you and your staff certainly deserved a 5 star reward (and the drinks).  Have a good week. Jules x

Hi Annabel,

I am busy today and tomorrow so just wish you a good trip over the Pennies on (I think?) Thursday.

Will be thinking of you.

Ian xx

PS In terms of inspections: I'm down for a periodic Chairman appraisal tomorrow in court!! I hope I am as fortunate as you were with your inspection.