Hi Ian

Never a burden, always a virtual friend.  As they say we all have to face the music sometime and at times is harder than others.  What you and Debbie had was your most precious and special time and you are all the stronger for it (though I  bet it does not always feel that way).

  In reflective mood, none of us ask to be brought into the world and we as sure as hell (sorry) dont want to be taken from it either.  But (and I know you should not start a sentence with it!!) as my Dad told my Mum as he spend his final days in the hospice, 'life is for the living, so go enjoy yours whilst you can' and she was 82!!  Well for just over 3 years she did just that and re-visited many of their old haunts though this time alone (I honestly dont know where she found that strength 'cos I would bottle it). Now I suspect she is living with those memories as she is looked after by others.

Sorry never meant to ramble but know  you can always chat  here and I will try and keep you company whilst you battle those hard days.

Hope the children are keeping okay too.

I am about to relax after a long day of tidying, cleaning and cooking (hate the last one!!) .Take careJules xx

Hi Susananne,

Thanks for the sharing.  Our trouble is:  What do we want from this New Life of ours, at this stage of our current lives?  We need new focuses and structures and inspiration ....none easy to come by!

Lots of love   ... Hope the sun in shining on you as it is here.

Ian

Hi Jules,

No ramble all you need.  The future is defined (as I see it) as unrolled history, the present is the point of creating it, but once there it needs to be shared - especially the biography and wisedom of those who have been before us.

Lots of sunfilled love

Ian

Hi Ian

Hope you managed some relaxation over the weekend before heading back to 'work mode'.

Thought provoking words - perhaps you should continue Debbie's journal and bring it to 'print' as I am sure many more would benefit from reading it.  As you say you have a new future not of your choice but you would not have missed the past for all 'the tea in china'. In grief I believe its a 'new joining', cherishing your memories and creating new experiences, Sadly its often easier said than done as grief involves so many emotions in different ways for different people. There appears to be no right or wrong way to tackle the turmoil it can bring.

Wishing you a peaceful week ahead.  Look after yourself. Jules xx

Hi Jules,

Yes, nice weekend but this week's busy.

I have just seen a 9 minute compilation of online video clips my daughter has managed to compile of Debbie!!  It's lovely and she is going to get a copy for me.  Now on reflection though I find it very upsetting!  Or to be more accurate unsettling.  Suddenly to be thrown back to happier times and be reminded of how good and right it all was, when we were all together, is tough......I am in this New World and to be reminded of how perfect the old one was for me is difficult ....yet, maybe I need to face the Old World to be able to embrace the New one?

We'll see!

Lots of kindness

Ian

Hi Ian

Can imagine you must feel like you are on a new rollercoaster ride - of course lovely to see the clips and remember the wonderful memories (and so nice of your daughter to make you a copy too) but sad knowing that you cannot recreate those moments from the past.  You can, and I am sure with time you will,

make some good memories of your own and Debbie would definitely want you to try but it must be very hard. Still early days, so small steps and virtual hugs are sent your way.  To be honest with the onset of cooler weather and less time to spend outside I find more time to be reflective (not always a good thing).  Take care.Jules x

Hi Jules,

Yes time alone can be difficult.  But my recent experience makes me think, though this may be difficult to think about for you - and sorry if it is - but do you have some phone or other video clips of your hubby?  Any good day ones now will be worth it in the furture..... and I say that knowing I am still not really ready yet to look again at the ones I have.

More virtual hugs for you to

Ian xx

Thanks Ian and yes we are keeping our photos up to date.(not easy as hubby has never liked having his photo taken - me neither for that matter!!) Each time we go out or have visitors at home the cameras always out especially when our grandson is here (actually at present do not find forward planning a problem as this is something we have always done anyway).  We have never bothered with video recordings (and niether of us has a decent mobile to take pics on - too much technology for me to be bothered with). We have family photos all round the house, both current and past so just keep adding/updating.

Hubby has just done three straight days at work so is now putting his feet up (apart from having to attend a friend's funeral tomorrow) until next week.  All being well he will be out for a drink with friends on Friday and I will be off to bingo to try my luck again.   Also have to look at washing machines as mine conked out last weekend and I will be going to the launderette until we get it replaced.

Have a peaceful week and a restful weekend.  Jules x

Hi Jules,

Sounds as if your hubby is making good progress in a meaningful way which must be good for you both.  I know the washing machine issue.  Strangely enough I have had to buy a new microwave this week!

I am feeling sort of mixed this week though.  It's akin, I guess, to evolving from a fish, to an amphibian, to a mammal.  The safety net and luxury of my old world - beneath the waves - in haunting me with calls back to the ocean, when I know I can no longer exist there with these new lungs of mine and have to walk out onto this brave new world of terra firma.  It's a no way back situation but the echoes of the past still remain for the time being ...  I need to find ways of stretching these new limbs of mine but it's not easy, as yet.... It's the intensity of the love I still feel for her.  Though I can move forward with a sense of Debbie within me/ as a part of the new me, I still find it hard to distant the separate her: the individual.

Kind thoughts and hugs

Ian x