Thanks for the advice Susanne. Will see what doc says when I next pop in. No harm in asking. The way we are going the whole family will be on 'something'!!  Not a pleasant thought but need to be sensible about it.  At the moment the best 'drug' in the world seems to be endless repeats on the TV - enough to make anyone drop off (shame I dont have one in the bedroom (only joking).

How did you get on at the vet with Rusty - if I remember rightly you were going back today.  chat soon   Jules xxx

Hello Jules TV soaps are too depressing but we still watch .Rusty got on ok ish has to be bandaged up for 3 weeks then after that he has to wear a boot when he runs and plays at the minute no running and he is getting fed up its what he is built for being a greyhound he is able to walk around the block or park but not run poor boy Im taking him to the beach in a bit for a walk in the dunes he likes that ,thankyou for asking about him  ,take care Jules ,hope hubby is ok and not working to hard ....Susananne

Dear All

Just a thought the other night:

'Take me to a place of dreams,

Some other World where life it seems,

Goes on and on as She was young,

To the life when we were One.'

xxx

....at one level I have made fantastic progress.  With time (and much help) I am able to cope, look forward and begin to move on - which I am.

Yet at another level - when I am alone - I still spontaneously cry at my loss; often without obvious reason.  I suppose this is part of 'my' moving on?

Ian

Ian

You have been amazing with what you have managed in your 'moving on' journey but when we are alone is when we sit and think (about all sorts of things, happy and sad, what you had then and now, memories and hopes and dreams)..  Yes life moves on but its very different and some days are easier than others and little things can tip the balance.  Do not be worried by those emotions as  its natures way of dealing with the stresses and strains of life.  There are even now when something will remind me of my Dad (not nearly the same as losing a partner but still emotional links) which will cause me to tear up and I dont even know why but it just means that they meant so muchand a  part of you feels like like its missing.  Grieving is different for everyone but its good to share those feelings whether its with family or virtual buddies.  Sending peaceful thoughts. Jules xx

Thanks Jules,

I've been very busy with work related issues ..... which has kept me gainfully occupied and helps dull the mind.  I will be now for a week or so.

Thinking of you

Ianx

What I have to remember, and it is a struggle to conceptualise, is: I am now living and in a new life - not the old one I want to be in but the new one I find myself in ......and it is very difficult at times to remember let-a-lone except this; but I must.

Ian

Hi Ian

I would imagine dealing with the change is almost impossible to accept in reality even though you have been given no choice of the circumstances you now have to deal with emotionally. Its the hour by hour, day by day scenario that I hear mentioned so often on this friendly forum. AS you say when at work you have to somehow initialise that 'off switch' to carry on with what needs to be done as when we are on our own our minds go to the 'replay' button.  I know one day we all have to face such emotions that such separations bring and only wish I could find the right words to offer solace but realised not being in that position myself yet I am not the right person to offer what would seem meaningless words.  Just know that you are being kept in my thoughts and send you peace for the weekend ahead.  Jules xx

Hi Jules

Thank you for your helpful reflections on this.  I am sorry to burden you with this now when you have your own version of it to come! x.  Hopefully my situation may help you in your own preparation... and I will be there for you x.

What I realize now, more clearly, is when I cry I am crying for my Old Life - the one I chose and would like back, but can't have.  Also, when I am sad for my loss it's the same.  It's because my New Life is not of my choosing, yet I have to make it my own: I have no choice.  I have been given a New Life - not of my asking - and I have to make it my own now and that's the real challenge; a challenge I didn't ask for or want.  This is where my objection to it all and obstinacy originates.

I am enjoying some sun here, hope it good where you are; if not, as Deb would say: 'Dance in the Rain'

Ian xxx