Ian

I wish I knew the right words to offer you right now (your hurting resonates from your post). Just wanted you to know your forum buddies are along for the ride when you want to 'let it out'. Truly believe no matter how hard we try to understandthe loss of loved ones when you have loved, cared for and lost the hole is irreparable but understanding comes over time. Thinking of you during this time. Jules xx

Thanks Jules, it does help to know others are there ....but then to make things worst both my adult kids relationships become problematic and I have no 'significant other' who would have known what to say and do!  I find trying to be both a father and mother to them difficult ... yet I look around at the number of one parent families there are and suppose they were at least fortunate to have had both of us for as long (however short!) as they did.

Thanks again Jules, you are right ... as Deb would have said they have to find their own way. As in finding it they will learn and become themselves.  She is, strangly enough, with us all the time in her absence.

Hope you are enjoying the sun

Ian

Morning Ian

Have just enjoyed a week's leave and the weather certainly helped brighten it up. Good few hours spent both in the garden and doing a bit of retail therapy and watching the tennis. Wonderful day yesterday spending with family, enjoying Murray's victory and the German GP whilst having a picnic tea.

Hope you are keeping well.  Jules

Hi Jules,

..and the weather continues to be bright ... It has certainly come out of mourning - as I must attempt to do!  Only trouble is, I don't think you ever really achieve this however much you try and you pretend.  It is all about learning to live with it.  To look and act normal and seem to have moved on on the outside ....it's just another of life's little challenges.

Any way on the bright side I have a couple of weeks off - from next Wednesday - and I'm going away with the kids for one week (Egypt) and with some friends and my dog (to Ilse of Mull) for the second.  So lets see if this helps?  I will catch up with you all on my return.

Ian xx

Hi Ian

Just popped onto the forum before getting lunch (waiting for the shade to appear in the garden as though it is gorgeous to have the wonderful weather do not want to 'fry' in the mid-day sun).  There is no timescale for grieving and from what I read here and from friends though you know death is coming to a loved one nothing can really prepare you for the aftermath. Having not lost my hubby yet the only experience of grief of closed loved one was my Dad and strangely he is in my thoughts more these days than for some time (he passed over 5 years ago and lived a long life).

Wishing you  a good break with your kids (time together will be good for you all). Hope you enjoy Egypt. Only did a day trip to the pyramids/Cairo when on Cyprus a few years ago but have a friends that goes every year and always enjoys it.  The Isle of Mull with your friends and your dog will certainly be a change of scene and hope the weather holds for you.  Look forward to hearing all about it when you return.  Take care.Jules

Hello Jules ,how are you and hubby doing in this HOT weather ,its 30 degs at the moment I have looked at your texts and notice how supportive you are to every one else, with so much going on in your own life as you know I have been through the same type of cancer with my darling Tony ,not easy but we do seem to cope with what it throws at us is .I wish we could throw the evil cancer out with the rubbish as it deserves.I went to see Jessy J last evening at the Eden Progect with my son Dylan a birthday gift ,didnt think I would enjoy it ,how wrong was I ,she was AMAZING dIdnt get home till 12 30 I live 5mins from Eden and the tickets entitle us to a free visit today so a double bonus ,I dont think we will be going into the tropical biom today went in the winter that was bad enough very humid we came out damp ha ha .Hope things are going ok for you Jules ,please give my best wishes to your hubby and keep smiling . Susananne

Hi Susananne

We arehaving a very quiet weekend for a change.  I am  mostly outside (just in for lunch until shade cover available) and hubby watching sport.  His new pain regime has definitely helped over the past few days and he managed two days in work last week and is going in tomorrow.  Glad you enjoyed your night out and being so close to Eden must be great.  Have been there and really enjoyed it all.  Free entry very handy too.  Sounds like the weather here to stay for a bit so apart from going into work plan on doing as little as possible.  Just cooked eggs and bacon for hubby's lunch and prepared dinner for tonight (I will be doing salad for me but hubby not into that so will have to cook for him).

Any support I try to give others  is my way of saying thanks for all the support I have also received - this forum really helps.  Take care  Jules

Thanks Jules ... will do.

It is strange you think you are coping then find deep down your are not really getting over anything - just covering it up.  Then out of the blue, the enormity of the loss just hits you square on and it is really hard to stop crying again ....though you know it won't change a thing .   Time creates us, makes us what we become, before it destroys us, and forgets us ...such is life ... and during that process we must grab onto every bit of the journey we can and get the best out of it both happy and sad...for that is life..