Dearest Friend,

If she is hiding it so easily (I am sure it is not that easy) then she should be allowed to continue,,,If she is able to hide it that well and eat a 3 course meal then she should be allowed to continue...I hate using the word allowed as it removes so much from an individual however canasta, I am sure you know what I mean.

Darling, you should listen to your own heart and your mums and do what you know is best..

Much love

T xxx

Hi Canasta,

I've read your post and don't know if I can be of any real help but I'll try my best.

You say mum is frail now but you don't say that she is not able to make decisions about her health....is she in any obvious pain or distress at all?....... Back in July I burnt so badly during my Radiotherapy treatment, I was in agony and I can assure you that it wasn't possible for me to 'hide my pain' so I'm unsure of how they think she's doing this........ She's frail and therefore I find it hard to believe she'd be able to be hiding extreme pain.....what do you feel on this one - you know your mum, is this possible?

Does mum want the morphine? Has anyone discussed this with her?

Would your mum allow you to look after her at home? I know from previous posts she's given you such a hard time over her care and made it impossible for you to know what has been really going on - would she now accept the help at home?

I think if this was me, I'd be contacting her GP first thing in the morning and asking for help and advice. I think you 'can' remove mum but I'm not sure if you 'should' if that makes sense? ....

If she's in no obvious pain don't sign up for anything that you're unhappy with, talk to her GP and Macmillan for advice.

As I said, don't know if any of this could help at all - just didn't want you to feel that you're talking to yourself at this time of night

Dizzie xxx

Thank you Tony and Dissy.

Sorry for the late response but I got a call at 12.50 to say Mum was asking for help with her breathing and that they had given her an injection and was unconsious and then another call at 1.08 to say she had died.

I don't know what they gave her but at least she isn't in pain anymore.

Thank you all for your support over the last ten months.

I will post again when feeling less shell shocked.

Take care to all and hold your loved ones close.

Alison x

Oh Alison,

I'm so sorry to hear your news.....here's a big hug for you ((((hug)))))

Come back and chat once you feel ready - in the meantime, we'll be thinking about you and your family

Dizzie xxx

Alison,

Just to say you and your family are in my thoughts. Let us know how you are when you feel ready.

Much luv, Dizzie xx

Hello

You don't know of me but I am happy for to contact me. I had a similar experience with my mum whom I lost 31st August after being diagnosed a week before my wedding in june this year. She always said she wasn't in any pain apart from her legs even though the nurses thought she must be and the Doctor also. Once she was given fentanly patches (Just 25mg and then upped to 50mg) and oramorph before being moved she seemed to be coping and seemed more comfortable. She did seem to cope remarkably well and I really do think she was hiding a fair amount as when she slept she winced. One day during her sleep she asked to be 'released' and that was when she was put on a shringe driver at home. Even though she didn't really want to be on one I know as that I believe is the time to start saying goodbye. She lasted another 3 days and then passed away peacefully. I am available to talk if you need someone. I understand what you are going through.

Thank you for your message Julie.

I have the funeral next week which I am dreading.

I had a phone call on Monday asking if I had any concerns about my Mums care and did I consent to a postmortum as due to Harold Shipman sudden deaths even in a hospice had to be investigated.

It completely threw me but I didn't consent as my Mum must of been in terrible pain if she asked for help like they told me.

Phone calls like tha, t probably are correct but I wasn't expecting it  and it worried me.At the eend of the day nothing will bring her back so i dont want to know as i have to live with the fact i came home.

Alison x

Alison sweetheart. you went home because your mum was being looked after and all seemed to be going quite well.

As you said, she was eating well and didn't appear to be struggling at all. Do not feel guilty about this, you did all you could for your mum. I've read your other thread and I know what you did, and also what you tried to do, for mum. 

The funeral will be hard and it would be good if you do continue coming here to get support to help you through this really difficult time.

You are in my thoughts Alison and the thoughts of many others on here.

Big hugs to you,

Dizzie xxx

Yes even the funeral directors mentioned about the Harold shipman thing and they had to ask if we were happy with everything. It is just routine so don't worry too much.

I have not read your other thread but I will do so next time so that I can support you. I'm not one for using networking sites or forums particularly but I do think a support group / forum is a good idea as you get to offload whenever you like about anything you like and it is hard for the rest of the family too so it's good to give them a break.

At my mums funeral myself and my husband put a montage together for the 'reception' as they call it now and it went down really well and kept the whole thing 'light', we celebrated her life and all the good things that had happened in it and there were even giggles in the congregation when the vicar told a story of her life with my step dad.

It was nice seeing some of her old friends and work colleagues and I remember smiling at 'thin air' and nodding my head to thank people for coming as we left the church. Of course it is hard, so very hard. She is your mum. I still talk about mine in the present tense, why I do not know but it feels right so I am going with it. I had just a few little tears today which lasted about a couple of minutes but I had a lovely 10 minutes or so remembering lots of lovely things about her. One of them being her love of flowers and so as I am finishing off a rockery in my garden in honour of her I shall also plant a lovely rose tree for her and watch it bloom.

Take strength from knowing that she is no longer in pain and that she had great care as a hospice is truly a special place with marvellous staff. We can always, always find something to beat ourselves up with if we are feeling low but now my lovely you need to eat, rest, and prepare yourself to say a final goodbye to mum with your head held high.

I hold you close and help to give you some of the strength you will need, as will other members on here. You know where we are.

I will also be thinking of you every day this coming week as I do not know what day the funeral is.

Julie x