Wow, love what you wrote.

Oi, oi,Oi, behave, calm daaaaaahn, as we say in blighty!!! I have cancer, but am surviving... each day, take it.....

Hi Brokenman,

This is an "Open & Honest" discussion. I Thank You for taking the time out to post here of your experience. Perhaps the silent family/friends that read these posts will understand how important the "end of life spoken words" really are. Again, Thank You for your thoughts.

My thoughts are with you....

Chrissie- Behave? Calm down? I was not aware I was behaving "badly", with cancer I live like I am living not dying, again, cancer has taught me to do just that, appreciate each and everday. I never write with intentions of offending anyone, nor do I ever write to lash out at anyone here, I speak of my own experiences, I would never push my 'New Circle' away as my old circle had pushed me away, "vanished" rather. As I stated before; I write with honesty, I too am surviving each day & "taking it", I am not sure what your day to day 'days' are like and will not assume, for me, I am lucky to be able to get out of bed in the morning, I am one that was extremely busy and cancer has put that to a screaming hault, I loved gourmet cooking, drawing portraits, going on long drives. When I get an hour or two out of the day where I can actually feel a bit of self worth, it raises me up, yet, those days are few & far between; my body can not keep up with my mind. I think cancer is a very personal experience: Some may have more pain then others, some may be in need of a better head-space, etc. I would love to do much more, quite like I used to until cancer stole my energy. I miss my independancy which many here can relate to as well as being 'needed'. As many will attest to, being struck with cancer, if everyone handled it the same way, There would not be these types of outlets for others like myself to learn from.

Best Wishes,

Terminal

Hi terminal & tonysonq,i wasn't gonna bother you again,but i really appreciated your reply.It really cheered me up to know somebody had read my post.

I sit here tonight,bitter,twisted & crying wondering why some people on this site think i am not worthy,that i am a coffin chaser.Have i not suffered as much,a man of 42 years,watching his wife die,blowing her nose & wiping her bum? I read some of the postings & as i say,i am not having a good night & i feel very angry.Iam not being argumentative but don't you think "patrick b" & others like you that i have suffered? Like i say,i am not being argumentative,but i would like your opinion on this.Just reading your postings make me feel not worthy to be on this sight & as the name suggests,i am a broken man.I think i have suffered too & that the people you leave behind will suffer,or have you not considererd that? It's tough coping after the loss of a loved one & hard to carry on with life but i can see a light at the end of the tunnel.Just to let you all know,as much as people promise the "dying one",they will visit,they stop coming once they have gone.It's a lonely life for the one left behind,this is not self pity,but reallity.

I really can only imagine what you are going through,but it's tough on the other side of the fence too.My wife went into hospital with suspected kidney stones & died within 3 months of widespread cancer,not what either of us was prepared for & something i have been now left to deal with on my own because i was the one who didn't "have it".I am not finding it quite that easy as the text book says!!!!!!!!!

Hey Brokenman,

Absolutely 100% worthy, I do not have the right to choose, whom ever needs help gets it whatever their circumstances. I am sure Patrickb means people who have no connection at all so dont be too hard on him, although I will leave that one to him to answer.

Start up a forum and let me know, (although I will keep an eye out) so we can focus 100% on you and I bet you will feel worthy once more when you see the amount of responses. There are many many on here who's fathers, grandads, mums, grandma, sisters, brothers etc have had this terrible disease. Some have come out the other side and others like your dear wife have unfortunately lost the battle.

I feel so very sorry that you are in this situation and have lost your wife,I cant begin to imagine what it would be like to lose Fran.

We are here to support you, and will stand side by side with you in your grief.

Kindest Regards

Tony

Hi Brokenman,

My heart goes out to you, I know exactly how u feel. I am sitting here typing whilst my kids r playing with their easter gifts and my husband lies in bed terminally ill. I know how u r feeling as I feel bitter and twisted and very much cheated. A nurse once told me that when a patient is diagnosed with this terrible desease they r never the same again and I really beleive that as well as their family, it has changed us all. It is easy to say turn that bitterness and anger into somehting positive and I beleive u and probably I will eventually do that, but it does take time. I am constantly crying but it looks by your comments I have to try and be strong for my young boys, You have every right to be on this site, I know your wife died of cancer but you are going through all the pain as well.

I'm sorry if this is a bit jumbled but I hope that you will find some sort of pain releif just to know that people do care and we are all in the same boat.

Best Wishes

Dea)r Brokenman,

What a sad post. To think you might even entertain the fact that you should'nt write here hurts me (although I felt the same way and was put in my place with the replies I received and I do the same to you.

I know where you are in your head and I know where you've been. I know your wife found some peace from her suffering and although you shared her journey, you did'nt have her peace.

But think back. Who else would your wife rather have than you to carry out all the personal tasks that you did? The truth is that I did the same for my best friend; wiped her backside, washed her and fed her. I would'nt have had it any other way. I suspect you would'nt.

Where you are now is a horror (and I'm not exaggerating the word horror). I know that there are many of those with mortal concerns who don't have a clue what you're going through. Life is different I think, because you may look at people differently, and find it hard to be forgiving to those who forget so easily. I am exactly the same in that way and I suspect I am not the only one.

What I will write is something that I am not very good at, and that is you try and forgive the way people are by realising that they, like us, will all face their journey to death in one way or another. Forgive too that people cope in different ways, with their own death or in remembering someone else's life.

Realise too, that a person's quality of life is as important as life itself; some people realise that, and therefore do not want to live when that quality becomes impaired. That is hard to deal with when we have known and shown so much love to another person who's ill, and who we did not want to lose. People who take this point of view take nothing from your desire to preserve life, or your decision to share your wife's final days on this earth.

Take care and don't be too lonely.

Best wishes.

Kathy

Wow,thanks for all the replies,first time i feel i have been listened to for a long while.I am gonna take your advice tonysonq & set up my own thread if i can (am new to computers!) on the 'moving forward' page.I read back what i wrote the other night & it does sound like i was having a pop at patrick,this was not the case but i have had a knack lately of not expressing properley what i mean & upsetting people,guess i will maybe have another one to add to my list!! Sorry patrick.I will still follow this thread but do the talking on my own thread.

All the best to tanya & the rest of the crew,bye for now.