Dear Terminal

I read your post with a very heavy heart and thought that I must reply asap. You are a very brave person and very special too. Please do not believe for a moment that you are alone. I may not understand what it is like to be a victim of this dreaded desease, but I have been a part of it when my darling husband was diagnosed with non Hodgkins Lymphoma in 2005 and passed away 6 months ago. I was with him every minute possible, sharing in his pain , upholding him in prayer and willing him to fight this, but in the end God wanted him for himself . I pray for those who are ill and for those who have no one to share their lives with, that they will find the strength and the courage to carry on until the end. Please take heart that you are loved even though you think you are alone. Maybe a phone call from you to your friends and family might bring you all together? Maybe they are just giving you the space mistakenly thinking that maybe that is what you need? Be strong and know that I,and many others are thinking of you. God Bless xx

My heart goes out to you and you are also in my thoughts. Maybe as has already been suggested to you your family are mistakenly under the impression that you want to go this alone. Give them a ring and ask for their support. I am sure they are not just waiting for you to die and perhaps do not know what to say or do for you. I think you have to take the lead on this even though you should not have to. People are very funny. When I was diagnosed with cancer I had all kinds of reactions. Some went over the top and wanted to wrap me in cotton wool while others would deliberately cross over the road when they saw me coming to avoid any contact with me at whatever cost. When these people knew I was in remission they then started making contact again.

It isn't that they did not care - it was because they did not know what to say.

Make those Phone calls - I am sure they will be there for you if you do. Take care.

Bubbles.

Hi Terminal,

All who read this cannot help but be moved saddened and wonder why? There is no rhyme nor reason to this horrendous disease and why it should attack the young - beggars belief,

The two posts already added sum things up and little more needs to be said other than I hope more reply to your thread and give you the support you so desperately need.

I send you my love, positive thoughts and a desperate plea that you are able to be in contact with your family. Rodis.

Hi Terminal,

i was moved by reading your post....i had tears running down my face...all i can say is that you should be strong and know that you are not alone. It may seem like it, but dont take it that way. It hurts not to have someone there with you, especially your family and friends; if only they had a good enough reason for not being there.Maybe they need some time away to deal with the situation, or maybe not. Whatever you do, just be strong...make contact if you can and let them know how you feel...

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I will check on you again soon.

Dear Mrs T,

Talk to me.

I fully inderstand what your are going through. I'm 36 next week and was given 12 months last May. By my calculation (which could be wrong as I've had a lot of chemo and the brain cells are never quite the same !!) I've got about 12 weeks left !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got Breast Cancer back in 2003. Had all the usual, Lumpectomy, Chemo, Radio, Tamoxifen. But the little blighter stayed in my chest, all snug and sound asleep until last year and decided it was time to say hello again. Nowt (yes, I am from Yorkshire) can be done this time. Loads of different things affected (won't bore you with details) and the chemo now is just to deal with the symptons. We're 'shrinking it and shutting it up' as my chemo nurse likes to say.

I also looked on the web last May (when I was given the delightful news) for someone out there who could understand what is going on in my head. I didn't find this chat room, maybe it's new. I know what is going on in your head. I know that living with a death sentence is like dying a little bit everyday. I know how you feel when you listen to certain songs. I know how you feel when look at photographs. Can you move ? If you can, you should dance. Dancing makes me feel a little better sometimes. I have been trying the dance for "single ladies" today by Beyonce and hurt my lower back If you don't know the dance look it up on you tube then try it. It'll make you smile. Singing also helps. I didn't have a voice for about 6 months so I love screaching aswell....I digress... I tend to do that

Talk to me

Nicola

Hi Terminal,

Please return to this site for support, you are not alone we are here to help you and talk to you - even by private e-mail if necessary. Rodis.

Dear Terminal,

I don't have cancer and I'm not dying. I just cared for my friend who did (although she recovered from her initial diagnosis and cancer before she died), and I noticed what you wrote of; people's inability to relate to a person they believe is dying.

Bubbles reply to you was that you contact them, and she's right. Yes they feel awkward, but it's because they can do nothing for you. You know human beings want to be positive for other people and tell them in any given situation that thing's will get better. If they can't be positive for you they don't know what to say,. rather than say nothing, they'll often not want to confront you. This is as it is Terminal. You may have been the same in a similar situation where you did'nt know what to say to a person, so you made sure you did'nt bump into them.

I would ask you how approachable are you. If you seem capable, people will let you be that way. But I'm sad because you sound very lonley and I don't like that. This is one time where you must not be on a journey without someone with you, and you know, if that means writing to me and other people on this site, so be it. But ideally, I'd echo what Bubbles said, and that is to reach out to someone. Those who have'nt contacted you or asked how you are, forgive them and give them another chance to be there for you and with you.

You're probably angry with me, asking why you should forgive. Well, it's a great human failing that we are unable to forgive, and it's quite often because we have something to be sorry for too, you know the behaviour we did'nt like was as a response to what we did to that (or those) people. Did you ever feel you pushed any of those people away by appearing capable? If so, you need to tell them the truth; that you are sometimes vulnerable.

Write again and hopefully say that you are not alone; either because you've found a site or person to understand you.

Best wishes

Kathy

Dear Terminal

I felt so sad by your words and wanted to write to you to add to the others on this site in offering my support and to say although I dont know you, I do care as a human being about what happens to you and really hope you have found some comfort in your friends and family now. I know you feel so alone, but I realy feel that we are all never truly alone spiritually and there is always someone watching over you. I hope you find the love and comfort you deserve and need right now. Julie x

Dear Terminal,

I notice that you have many replies to your message. Please realise that people 'do' care.

And I'm embarrassed to write before you even reply, but maybe this is no time for niceties. I'd just like you to know I'm thinking of you.

Kathy

Dear Terminal,

I'm so sorry about your diagnosis, and I'm so angry about your disappearing support network. I really am, my husband was diagnosed with terminal thyroid cancer two weeks ago, he was given 48 hours last Monday but he's still with us. I have watched the tears and the smiles, and the concerned looks disappear into the distance over the last few weeks. I've even considered changing our 4 year olds school when all this is over, bizarre I know but he doesn't understand what's going on and I know you'll understand what I mean when I say he's gone from being a school 'cause' to something a bit embarassing. I'm a proper person, I'm not afraid to put myself out when things get a bit awkward and frankly I would love to send you some flowers, or chocolates or a CD if you are able. There have been lots of friends and family over the years that have drifted away for whatever reason, but, and this is a big but because my husband has been a bit of a hermit these last ten years, he has been very brave and taken the opportunity to put right the things he wants to put right, and build bridges where he felt he needed to.

I suppose I'm saying to you Stand Up and Be Counted! Call up those you want to see or email them how you're feeling - be direct, you do not need to spare their feelings. Its up to them to step up and true friends will - bl**dy well tell them that and make them see how their absence is making you feel. They will have the rest of their lives to mull over how they dealt with this - you my girl have to be a bit more direct.

Hope its OK to be so direct with you. My husband will know exactly how you are feeling but unlike you seem to be, he is in complete denial outwardly. He is 52 and I am 38, he has four grown up children and a four year old son with me. We were sat four weeks ago looking at holiday brochures, I saw a funny shadow on his neck and here we are.

I hope you do contact some people and I'm sure we'd all love to know how you got on. Remember - I'm happy to send a big box of chox or a CD - or a favourite mag!

My name's Lisa and I'm here.