Newbie seeking advice

I've just written a whole story of our journey & deleted it. The short version is my husband was diagnosed Dec 2024 with signet cell of prostate and ureta plus separate bowel cancer. He has had an iliostomy, chemo & radiotherapy & was doing brilliantly. He does loads of cycling ,numerous charity rides (London to Manchester in one day).

Over the past 6 wks he has really gone downhill. He can't cycle anymore,he has no energy. The sounds coming from his stomach/bowel are awful & with that come the bad cramps & pain. We have been back & forth to hospital concerned he had a blockage or obstruction but because he still had output they were happy with him. We are waiting now for a scan to see whats going on.

Obviously the cancer must have advanced, taking in to account his other symptoms. I'm so scared of whats ahead. He has preferred to remain ignorant of the changes that will happen to him,symptoms of his decline,medical prognosis,medication etc. His take on it is there is nothing he can do so he will just roll with it. I've found that really difficult to deal with as with a medical background, I understand more.

He has been in bed most of the day ,not like him . I see him shrinking before me, a greyness to his skin . I feel so alone. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this. My daughter is amazing but I can't put this on her. My sons live in their own bubble & are pretty useless . Is my husband coming to the end ? How quickly does this go ? I am so worried, I just feel lost & alone.

If anyone has read this I thank you for taking the time. Any advice appreciated from anyone. 

  • Hello Julesam and a warm welcome to Cancer Chat,

    I'm really sorry to read about your husband and how this is making you feel, but I hope posting has helped in some way.

    I can imagine that seeing your husband go through this would put you in lonely place and make you worry about what's to come, but please know that you're not alone and you shouldn't carry this all by yourself. I understand that you might want to shield your children from some of this details, but I think you should talk to them about this in a way that you feel comfortable. They should know how you feel even if you think it won't help. Communicating will hopefully bring you all a little closer and allow everyone to share their thoughts. When discussing the scan at the next appointment, it might be worth airing your concerns with the doctor as they will be best placed to answer your questions. 

    This forum is here for you whenever you need it and if you'd like to talk through anything with one of our cancer nurses, you can call the free helpline on 0808 800 4040. Lines are open from 9 to 5 Monday to Friday. We also have advice around caring for the carer, as sometimes it's easy to forget to take time for yourself with everything that's happening.

    Look after yourself and I hope some of this will be useful for you,

    Moderator Anastasia