Try not to think about what you’ll regret my mums terminal too and I’m finding it so hard my family don’t talk about serious stuff and mum wants to pretend it’s not happening but Im sure our mums just want us to live having a balance is part of that so college seeing Tory mates and your band stuff is important believe me I moved out just before my mums diagnosis the guilt was awful but I have to carry on with my life as much as we both want to drop everything I considered quitting my job just to spend all my time with her but that’s just unrealistic unfortunately:( hope you’re doing better

i am thank you. sometimes the greif becomes a lot and i think thats when the guilt starts. now i've calmed down a bit, i realise that i need to acheive my goals because my life wont end with my mums. i hope that things feel easier for you as well

I am so pleased to hear you have talked to your mum that is good to hear. Counselling is Free in the NHS, I have had over a year of Counselling, I cried buckets Renfyld, but it does help I know it does. Well done for being honest with your mum x

thank you, i have some through macmillan soon but its only six sessions. i think i might try and get a more long term therapist

I agree grief is so painful n I think anticipatory is worse when my mum got diagnosed over a yr ago I thought podcast and facts were helpful but like you said given 6months 3 years ago is soooo confusing and hard to know what to do with yourself!

I am having a cancer buddy that calls me once a week for I think its 12 weeks (But she is not a qualified counsellor.) She does help though.

I contacted a qualified Psychiatrist through my Doctor, at the cancer and haematology department. I was lucky to have once a week with a Psychiatrist who works for the NHS. It may be worth you talking to your Doctor? 

yes i'll try. i'll also talk to my normal pyshciatrist to see if i can get something through them. i am having my medication increased soon so i'm hoping that will help as well

Good, is it Depression tablets I was on Citalopram, you have to find the medication that suits you, because everyone is different.

me too, waiting knowing there in pain is so hard. its such a weird thing to go through. knowing that she's going to die of this illness but having no idea when. it sounds so morbid saying this but its almost as if we were given a timeline and now were waiting for her to die. its so hard to come to terms with the fact that my mother isnt going to be here at some point and that i'll have to live without her when i'm sitting next to her. we're doing as much as we can together but having convos about is a struggle because you never know when the last one will be. 

yes i'm on sertraline at the moment after being on a different one. this one does seem to be helping a lot more but i still struggle so we're upping the dose

x

I know it sounds morbid but I think you’re right that’s how it feels sometimes anyways I’m so glad you get to have those conversations my mum really struggles/refuses to talk about it all with me since she just wants to enjoy our time and obviously I do too and I feel guilty for not just going along with it but she’s the only one I can talk to properly yes therapists are helpful but I mean it’s not my mum 

I know it sounds morbid but I think you’re right that’s how it feels sometimes anyways I’m so glad you get to have those conversations my mum really struggles/refuses to talk about it all with me since she just wants to enjoy our time and obviously I do too and I feel guilty for not just going along with it but she’s the only one I can talk to properly yes therapists are helpful but I mean it’s not my mum 

i completely get what you mean. my mum is the only person i feel like i can be truly honest with. i know its not the same, but i can always talk to you about things that are happening or if you need a distraction from it all. i do hope she begins to open up and talk to you more. just remember that youre not alone <3

Thank you so much I really appreciate you saying that! I spoke to a charity that was recommended to me ‘Maggies’ could be helpful to you they can call or in do I person meetings they told me to go to my mums next appointment she hasn’t let me go to any yet so I hope she does soon! And talk after I know the prognosis since her dr hasn’t given me the timeline only from the typical in google sorta thing which is tricky because it’s not for our mum specifically so I almost don’t believe she’s got 6 months until I hear her dr say it! And please feel free to talk to me I’m having to talk on some sort of private message if you’d prefer just let me know