Twin sister very poorly

Hi, not sure what I want to say. I came on here a couple of months ago. It's not me who's ill yet my emotions are all over the place. It's like being on a roller coaster. My sister has lung cancer. Over the past year she has had all kinds of treatments. Tests recently revealed she now has mild heart failure and her kidneys are failing. I don't want to physically talk to anyone and when my friends ask me how she is I feel angry. It's like I have to stop myself from saying, "How do you think she is?" A well meaning, very good friend asked me how my sister was the other day and I said, "She's dying. How do you think she is." I ruminated about that response for several days then text "Sorry for being so blunt." I'm aware this is all about me and my feelings. I dread to think of how my sister is feeling as she lies in a hospital bed after a fall 'hooked up' to a drip feeding fluids into her and a catheter draining fluids out of her. I live about two hours drive away and haven't been to see her (this time) but we communicate using our phoned. My last chat on here was abit like this. It seems I come on here when I can't bear the situation. I've just read about someone who has had terminal cancer for five years. Wow. That really is something. Some people are so positive, it's uplifting.

  • Hello Hotchocolat312

    I'm sorry to hear that things are continuing to deteriorate for your sister. It sounds like it's been a very difficult time for you both and it's understandable that you're experiencing a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions connected to this situation. 

    You mention in your post that you don't want to physically talk about your sister and how you're feeling about things. Whilst talking can be a great help for lots of people, not everyone wants to talk with someone about their situation. Hopefully, knowing that you have a safe space here in the Cancer Chat community where you can put down in writing how you're feeling will help. Often, just being able to put the thoughts and words that are whirling around in our heads down in writing can be a great way to offload. It may be that keeping a diary or journal could be a way to help you work through some of the thoughts and emotions you're experiencing. 

    You mention in your post that your sister is currently in the hospital and that you've not been to see her recently. We have some information on our website about caring for the carer that you might find helpful. Although you're not directly involved in your sister's care, the information may strike a chord with some of the emotions you've felt recently. There's also some information about taking care of yourself that you may want to have a look at as well. 

    It's important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to feel about things Hotchocolat312. But I hope that if you feel things do become overwhelming for you that you reach out to your GP, a friend or a charity such as Maggie's or Marie Curie for support. If you ever want to talk with one of our nurses for some advice and support you're most welcome to call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. 

    Keep in touch and let us know how you and your sister are both managing. We're here for you. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • Thankyou so much Jen. Knowing that I can come on here when the situation starts to overwhelm me is a great source of comfort. My sister thinks she may be discharged this Monday and although I am glad for her, I do think she's "better off" in hospital. I have been in touch for some support off social services (shopping/housework) for a couple of hours each week. Each time I have emailed them, a different person has eventually replied. I know support varies from area to area. Fortunately for me and my sister, the last person who responded to my email was very informative. She was doubtful that they could offer the help I mentioned above but suggested my sister shop online. I will use online banking and Amazon but there's no way my sister would shop online. 1. Not knowing how and 2. Being very suspicious of being scammed. The silver lining to my sister becoming more weak is she is starting to consider help. I thought she would be very angry with me for contacting Social Services but she didn't appear to be and she listened to what I told her rather than saying "No. No and No" again. This particular Social Services worker suggested a day care centre. There is a hefty daily charge but my sister did not dismiss it. I guess she could go there once a week as long as her health and finances allow. It would give her something to look forward to during the winter months. I have already contacted them and my sister was about to contact them when she was 'called back' into hospital.

    Once again, thank you for your input. I will look at the links you suggest, just not today. I had my grandson after school and overnight and though I'm exhausted, he really is a tonic for my mental health. 

    Regards.