Sorry to hear what you and your wife are going through.  My advice:  Contact social services and tell them that you can no longer cope with your nephews and that you need to put your own family first.......basically, you want rid of the problem. I guess that sounds harsh but I am sure that you do not want any sugar coating do you?  As for the rest of the family......well, you must be dismissive of them, just as they are dismissive of you and YOUR problems.  Tell them FIRMLY that if they REALLY want to be of some use, then THEY can take the 2 boys on themselves.  You and your wife have done your bit, and frankly, I think that your family are typical of so many families:  Very quick to give advice, but reluctant to actually give any REAL help.  And let's face it it, they don't need to give any help do they?  They have had two Patsys to do all the work for them haven't they?  Please do not think that I am being rude to you..........I simply call it as I see it.  Your wife is terminal and these last few days, weeks or months are very precious........you will never get them back.  The reason that your family are blaming your wife is very simple:  Deep down they KNOW that they have fallen short and they need someone else to blame and it's easy to blame a person that is dying isn't it?  Be honest with the shower and tell them that NO, you are not okay and you would appreciate if they showed a bit more respect to the woman that you love and who does not have much time left.  You say that there is conflict between your family and you and your wife, but it seems that it is your poor wife that is taking the brunt of their attacks........don't you think that it is time that you showed your wife the LOYALTY that she deserves?  Tell your family the truth:  They are a worthless shower, who, instead of giving help and love to this wonderful woman who put her own health SECOND for the sake of these two boys, have now decided that somehow, she is the villain in all of this.  Have you told the shower that your wife was suffering physical AND verbal abuse from these two boys, and that she simply can not take any more?  If not, WHY not?  You say that you can no longer tolerate the conflict, and if this is the case, why are you tolerating it?  Your poor wife deserves and needs you to step up to the plate and DEFEND her.  I am going to be completely honest with you, and I apologise beforehand if I go too far.  You are allowing your family to attack your dying wife who sounds like an absolute Angel, and who gave these two children a loving home until her health decreed that she simply could not do it any more.  Your focus should be on HER, not your family.  They are not worthy of your devotion, quite frankly.  Your wife however, IS worthy of it.  To ask if YOU are ok whilst ignoring your wife's illness and impending death is awful.......just awful.  They ought to be ashamed of themselves.  

Thank you - we have tried so hard with them (wife’s nephews) and I agree 150% with your points rest assured my wife is my priority and thank you so much for taking the time to reply it men’s agreat deal

Hi Neary50 I am so sorry to hear about what the family is doing to you and your wife.  I can say from my point of view (I have incurable cancer and on palliative treatment).  I would not be able to cope with this stress,  it is so tiring just dealing with physical and mental side of a terminal illness.  I am lucky because I have peaceful days and just potter about doing things I enjoy in the garden, my dogs etc.  You and your wife come first, end of.  I really wish you and your wife all the best, she is lucky to have a husband that cares for her so much.

Lee x