Dear MrsC1234

I am so sorry to hear about your dad.

The only thing that can help, is being there for him, do your best to show him how much he means to you, what a good dad he was to you, even if you think he is delirious, still talk to him as if he is fully awake. I know its no consolation but in the end you will look back knowing you did all that you can.  As for not feeling as sad as you feel you should, well  that's understandable, its all such a shock and it can take months to understand how you really feel.

I went through this with my husband, I told him how much I loved him constantly, held his hand, washed him, brushed his teeth (he was a very proud man) as I am sure your dad is, and it made me feel better, carrying out this small actions.

It does not matter what the age is, it is the worst thing in the world to watch the deterioration of a loved one.  Don't forget your feelings, you are important in this journey.

I am sorry I can not help you further.  Wishing you lots of strength and peace in your journey. xx

Hi,

Thanks for your good advice regarding my dad it is a terrible time as you know. I hope you are recovering ok from your loss too.

Your advice is very helpful.

Best wishes xx

Grief  is something that can be so unpredictable.  I still work so am constantly dealing with the public. When I have a day off, I enjoy being by myself and actually find peace and calm in my own company.

I seem to have moved on to the stage where I can think of my husband without constantly thinking about the pain he had been in for the past year.

I wish you well, just keep doing what you can for your dad xx

That's good that you have been able to do that regarding your husband its so tough isnt it. You don't want the image of them being sick in your head always so replacing that with the happy memories you shared is great.

Thank you re my dad its like being in a bad dream whilst all this is going on.

xx

My husband has Metastatic Melanoma spread from a tumour found in eye. We are on this terminal journey, whilst l realise only this last two weeks we likely won’t have another holiday together, another dance together….nothing much out of this house BUT l am trying to remember the other long life journey we actually have had together.    You can do this about your life with your lovely father.   It’s painful beyond measure to watch someone on their path of dying, and l have myself experienced Anticipatory Grief.   Life is so full of the bad the good the tough the easy and pleasurable….l call it Life’s Tapestry…pick out all your most memorable for now…the rest either does or doesn’t get revisited but you will realise how big that tapestry is between you and your dad.        This is the very part of life we don’t want to face, l am feeling actually very alone now in all of this…..l don’t want to overshare the unpleasant parts to family, so maybe they can’t begin to understand, so be it. I shall see this through …….so can you…..you will ONE day be pleased….privileged you did.

Hello and welcome to the club that no-one ever wants to join.  It does sound like  your Dad is near to the end,  and I feel so sad for you.  The truth is that we are never truly prepared to lose those we  love, no matter how hard we try.  Please don't feel guilty that you are not feeling the way that you think you SHOULD be feeling...........grief is different for everyone.   It took a friend of mine 17 years before he was able to cry for the sister he lost.  Hold your Dad's hand and talk to him........remind him of all of the things that you did together......funny moments that he might have forgotten.  Tell him how much you love him.  This is VERY important.  My cousin still feels guilty that she never told her Dad (my uncle) how much she adored him.  You will always miss him,, but what I can tell you, having lost both my parents, is that it does get easier with time.  I am not saying that you ever COMPLETELY recover from the death of a loved one, but that raw, awful pain we feel gradually subsides in to a sad acceptance.  Once again, so sorry for you.