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Does anyone else feel the same? Going in to a hospice tomorrow and feeling scared

Blue-girl
Online

It's almost 4 in the morning, I have just taken my meds.  Tomorrow I will be going in to a hospice.  Now the reality is really dawning on me........this is it.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 years ago, but it is only now, at this stage of the journey, that it has really hit home:  I am going to die.  I don't think I have ever felt so alone in my life.  I am thinking of the people that I must leave behind......my husband most of all.  Part of me feels so guilty, because I know that my loss will be hard for him and my other family members.......and yet part of me wants this nightmare over and done with.  I am not looking for a pity party, honestly I'm not.........but I admit that I feel scared..........I know that I am not the only person in the world going through this, but it feels like I am.........sorry for rambling on......I just needed to reach out...............

  • Online

    Hello, I want to say thank you for being here for others. You always have a willing hand to help those in need. You always offer advice, support and comfort to people while you have to endure your own illness. I just want to let you know that you are such a WONDERFUL person. I greatly admire and respect you.
    I remember last summer you helped an accessible and chatty lady who called Clare. She took great comfort from your kind words when she was dying. She valued you highly as a friend. She even thought you were passing on when you needed some rest offline and posted a message to pray for you.
    And I also remember you have mentioned that you had never had children of your own(chatting with Clare). So I was wondering if I could call you Mum once.
    Be brave, Mum. you know you have to, as usual, don't you?

  • Online in reply to Pawpaw123456-_

    Hello Pawpaw, THANK YOU for your lovely message.  And yes, of course you can call me Mum!   It's 4.44am and I am having a cup of tea (I LOVE my tea)!  I am now in the Hospice and everyone here is so kind and caring, and I am realising that there was no need for me to feel so worried about coming here.........I guess it is fear of the unknown isn't it Pawpaw?  And yes, I have been wondering about dear Clare..........I am guessing that she passed on..........I remember that I needed to take a break from the forum for personal reasons...........I truly hope that Clare understood............I felt so guilty because I felt like I was abandoning Clare in her hour of need, but there were things happening with my own family that very much needed my attention, and I had to focus on them instead.  You see Pawpaw, when my Mum and Dad died, I sort of became the Matriarch in my family, and everyone turns to me when something is going wrong in their lives, and that means that although I don't have children of my own, I have kind of become the 'Mother' figure for everyone in my immediate family, and of course this means that as the 'Mother Figure' I have to put them first.  It is kind of weird, because I am the youngest in my family, and you would think that one of my older siblings would have 'Inherited; the 'Mum' role, but somehow the 'Mum role' passed to me!  Also Pawpaw, I felt very, very ill and I thought that I was going to die.  Back in November 2022, my Doctor told me that I had about a year to live, and I thought that I would surely be gone by November 2023.......but no, I was still here (although I was feeling very poorly)............and more recently, November 2024 came and went..........which means that I have now  gone 16 months over what the Oncologist predicted.............which proves that you really can not tell what will happen with this monster disease.  Anyway mate, I will be here on the forum until I need another break, and yes, I am quite happy for you to call me Mum........actually it is very flattering!  Thank you for taking the time to reply to me, it really means a lot to me............and of course you are right........I have to carry on as best as I can.  Take care mate, xx

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