I want to cry - found out just before Christmas I have a rare form of Leukaemia

I have a rare form of leukaemia.  I found out just before Christmas when I received a letter from the hospital to my doctor. I, for some reason was copied into the letter. My daughter takes strength in the fact that I said I would fight it. But deep down, all I want to do is cry. My friends are very supportive and all say that I'm a fighter having already had Polio which left me Crippled since 1961 when I was a few weeks old. I genuinely think that I've had more than my fair share of suffering and always ask 'Why ME?' Some might say "Why not you" but I just feel like crying.  Sorry for the rant.

  • Hello Andy, so sorry for what you are going through.  There is absolutely nothing wrong in how you are feeling........and yes, it does seem that you have had more than your fair share of suffering.  In your case, I think that you have absolutely every right to ask, "why me?"  If you need to cry, then please go ahead and cry Andy..........there is no shame in crying and it might even make you feel a bit better.  My thoughts and prayers are with you, and I wish you all the luck in the world, take care, xx

  • I am very sorry to hear about this Andy.  I have breast cancer and sometimes I think of others who seem to have sailed through life unscathed.  But when I actually drill down to what is actually happening in their lives there always seems to be something which has been really difficult/ challenging for them which "evens up the balance".  1 in 2 of us will have cancer in our lifetime so I try and use that to make me feel less "singled out". I hope this helps.  All the best.

  • Hello Andy. Gosh that was a bolt from the blue!! Do you have any other family besides your daughter who sounds very sweet...?

    It must be a great comfort to have someone close to rant to, but these forums are a help. You don't feel so alone with it.

    I'm quite shocked that you just found out via an email.... have a good "boo" whenever you like,it's  not a crime, and it does help. I firmly believe we have been given tears and emotions to relieve the fear, sorrow etc 

     It helps me to do constructive  things, and write myself a brief list of what I can achieve the next  day, but with no pressure, so I don't get all anxious and stressed...

    At the moment I'm waiting for my diagnosis,  but I make myself do something useful each day, today I  sorted out all the medication  that's out of date! blocking up a cupboard. Even if it's just taking some clothes you never wear to a charity shop.

    Honestly the worst thing you can do is dwelling on the subject, or dreading the future.   Instead say to yourself, " I'm  here now. I'm just me, in this moment and living this one day" focus on that. 

    I have a very ill adult daughter, a grandson with an awful condition  that is a mystery, a son in law who has most likely got cancer,  and my GP cheerfully said " I think you have cancer" to me a week ago. Tests are currently in progress...waiting for results.

    If I  do have cancer, I'm going to do all the mad things I can think of, while there's time.  You can book a ride out on our lifeboat, so I will do it, I'm going to get on a train with no plans, and just get off when I  want to, and nose around a place I've never been to before,  I  might even stay the night lol   and much more besides....

    anyway I'm rambling now, so will leave you in peace.Keep us posted Andy.