Hi,

No, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Yes, it's awful when the last image you remember of a loved one is when they were dying, however, we are the ones lucky enough to be alive to remember our loved one so I find relatives & friends who say this are very selfish. Over the years, from my 20's, I've visited my grandparents, my aunt, uncle, mum & mum-in-law as they were dying & although it was distressing, I felt it a privilege to be there with them & for them to know they weren't alone. Only on one occasion did I have a wobble & that was when my aunt was dying from cancer at the same time I was recovering from major cancer surgery. I had seen her a few days before she passed away & I refused to go back as it was reminding me of my own mortality. However, I gave myself a good talking to & I returned the day before she passed away & I'm so glad I was there for her.

Your dad's relatives may be selfish or they are afraid it will remind them of their own mortality, especially if they are of the same generation. If it were me in your shoes, I would either ring your aunt or write them a letter. Explain that you know how distressing it is to see a loved one before they pass away & that memory will be painful, however, you know that your dad is upset not to see them for the last time and would they want him to die knowing his sibling(s) weren't thinking about his feelings? Maybe a bit harsh but I have always been outspoken when my family members argue or fall out & I've found that being honest and speaking how you feel is the best policy. For that reason I would finish my phone call or letter saying I feel very sorry if they can't find it in their heart(s) to see dad when he needs them most and if that is the case, they are no good to him afterwards (meaning his funeral). Again, it's harsh & I tell it like it is. Obviously you may not want to make such a statement but don't be afraid to tell them that you expect them to be the loving family members for dad as he has been for them.

I hope they see sense & it doesn't leave bitter feelings. It's good that mum's family are there for dad. Whatever happens, try not to focus on the unfairness of your aunt etc as it will take away the love & time you have with dad. God bless.