Keep trying to convince myself that’s it ok . I’ve had longer than some people in this world. That I’m going to a better place. That it’s a eternal paradise . That this world is getting worse. I feel bad that I’ve suffered with depression from my last teens and was suicidal now I have terminal cancer I feel like I’ve in someWay manifested it . Then I think that the cancer was laying dormant and was causing the depression . I’m thinking too much and having Panic attacks