Hello, I am lying here in bed crying, in bits because I lost my best friend to cancer on the 6th of June. We met almost exactly 3 years ago at a "Time for you" morning at the hospice. I was in the middle of my first 6 cycles of chemotherapy and my friend was starting her 2nd. We just clicked immediately and became very close very quickly and she soon became my best friend. She was a huge support to me while I was undergoing chemotherapy and then radiotherapy. I was lucky insofar as after surgery to remove a fast-growing, aggressive tumour in my breast, chemotherapy and radiotherapy, I won my cancer battle. My poor friend fought so hard but her cancer metastatisisd and spread from her cervix to her bladder, hip, lymph nodes and finally her lungs.
I think it is the speed with which she died in the end that is most difficult thing and I just can't stop crying. I miss her so much. Just a month before she died I went to an oncology appointment with her where her consultant got her to sign consent forms for more chemo in the hopes that it might shrink the tumours in her lungs. Just 3 days later she was admitted to hospital struggling to breathe, and just 10 days later, that is where she died. Her lovely family kindly allowed me to visit on the afternoon just a few hours before she died and I am so grateful for the fact that I was able to say goodbye and tell her what an amazing friend she was.
She was just 50 years old, taken far too soon. I feel that it should've been me. She has family including 3 children whilst I have no one to miss me. If I could've changed places with her I would've done.
Is there anyone out there who knows what I am going through? I have lost friends before, very good friends who I loved dearly but this is the first time that I have felt so utterly bereft. Maybe it's because we had that cancer link, I don't know but I miss her SO much.
Mog, x
