Finding out how long my mum has left to live

My lovely mum was diagnosed with  esophageal cancer in September also, and  that has spread into her stomach and now lung, operating was not really an option for her due to her size and the amount of joins they would have to complete, chemo has been stopped after just two cycles due to constant infections, she has a stent in also but is fed through a JEJ tube into her bowel,  and has been in hospital this time for 6 weeks trying to get her chest clear and breathing sorted, my family are all in Northern Ireland and I live in England, I fly over every other week but I suppose I’ need to find out how ok g my mum has left so I can be here more, I’m currently on my way to the hospital to try and catch the consultant to ask the question, I don’t know if this is the right thing to do, I don’t t know if she will even tell me without my mums knowledge, but I know my mum definitely would not want to know this. Has anyone any thoughts on asking this? No one has ever mentioned to us any sort of time frame and we havnt asked. Every time I come over I see her getting weaker and weaker. 

Parents
  • Hello, So sorry to hear about your mum.

    Others have given good advice which I won’t repeat. My dad was given months to live but died 9 days later. 


    He couldn't speak for the last 5 days of his life so there was only 4 days in between the diagnosis and the palliative care when I could speak with him.

    I rushed over from England (also to NI) when he began to deteriorate and literally had 1 hour of conversation with him before he lost ability to speak.

    I was so grateful for that short time.

    i guess what im trying to point out is to say everything you want to say to your mum now as you never know when things can change. I never discussed anything practical with my dad like about money, accounts, house etc- I don’t care about that though. I’m just happy we got to spend quality time together before he passed.

    The drs and nurses do their best to estimate but they can’t predict the future, anything can happen at anytime- cancer is evil and unpredictable.

    sending love! I know what you are going through and it’s a really horrible time 

Reply
  • Hello, So sorry to hear about your mum.

    Others have given good advice which I won’t repeat. My dad was given months to live but died 9 days later. 


    He couldn't speak for the last 5 days of his life so there was only 4 days in between the diagnosis and the palliative care when I could speak with him.

    I rushed over from England (also to NI) when he began to deteriorate and literally had 1 hour of conversation with him before he lost ability to speak.

    I was so grateful for that short time.

    i guess what im trying to point out is to say everything you want to say to your mum now as you never know when things can change. I never discussed anything practical with my dad like about money, accounts, house etc- I don’t care about that though. I’m just happy we got to spend quality time together before he passed.

    The drs and nurses do their best to estimate but they can’t predict the future, anything can happen at anytime- cancer is evil and unpredictable.

    sending love! I know what you are going through and it’s a really horrible time 

Children
  • Hannah222, I am so sorry to hear about your dad, that was very quick and must have been such a shock. I ended up asking the palliative nurse that Friday and was told long weeks, short months, I flew home that afternoon back to England but had to come back the Monday as mum deteriorated, she passed that Wednesday. Peacefully, thanks to the amazing nurses and doctors managing the symptoms. It’s a horrible horrible disease. Sending love and thoughts x