Finding out how long my mum has left to live

My lovely mum was diagnosed with  esophageal cancer in September also, and  that has spread into her stomach and now lung, operating was not really an option for her due to her size and the amount of joins they would have to complete, chemo has been stopped after just two cycles due to constant infections, she has a stent in also but is fed through a JEJ tube into her bowel,  and has been in hospital this time for 6 weeks trying to get her chest clear and breathing sorted, my family are all in Northern Ireland and I live in England, I fly over every other week but I suppose I’ need to find out how ok g my mum has left so I can be here more, I’m currently on my way to the hospital to try and catch the consultant to ask the question, I don’t know if this is the right thing to do, I don’t t know if she will even tell me without my mums knowledge, but I know my mum definitely would not want to know this. Has anyone any thoughts on asking this? No one has ever mentioned to us any sort of time frame and we havnt asked. Every time I come over I see her getting weaker and weaker. 

  • Welcome to the forum Son0302 although I'm really sorry to hear about your mum.

    I can't begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you and your family but we are here for you Son0302 and I really hope the support and advice you are receiving from our members on the other discussion you've have been posting in is helping you at this time.

    I can see on that other discussion that you were able to speak to a palliative nurse about this. Despite how difficult it must have been to hear what you were told, I do hope getting a time frame has helped, but if you have any other questions playing on your mind or would just like to talk things through with someone then do give our team of cancer nurses a call next week on 0808 800 4040. They'll be available from Tuesday onwards between 9a.m - 5p.m.

    We are thinking of you Son0302 and are sending all our strength and support to you at this very challenging time.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Steph,

    thankyou so so much for your kind words, it’s helpful speaking to others going through similar situations. It was helpful speaking to the palliative nurse, but saying everything out loud and hearing it out loud was the hardest thing. I will definitely get in touch with your team if I’m in need 

  • Hello, So sorry to hear about your mum.

    Others have given good advice which I won’t repeat. My dad was given months to live but died 9 days later. 


    He couldn't speak for the last 5 days of his life so there was only 4 days in between the diagnosis and the palliative care when I could speak with him.

    I rushed over from England (also to NI) when he began to deteriorate and literally had 1 hour of conversation with him before he lost ability to speak.

    I was so grateful for that short time.

    i guess what im trying to point out is to say everything you want to say to your mum now as you never know when things can change. I never discussed anything practical with my dad like about money, accounts, house etc- I don’t care about that though. I’m just happy we got to spend quality time together before he passed.

    The drs and nurses do their best to estimate but they can’t predict the future, anything can happen at anytime- cancer is evil and unpredictable.

    sending love! I know what you are going through and it’s a really horrible time 

  • Hannah222, I am so sorry to hear about your dad, that was very quick and must have been such a shock. I ended up asking the palliative nurse that Friday and was told long weeks, short months, I flew home that afternoon back to England but had to come back the Monday as mum deteriorated, she passed that Wednesday. Peacefully, thanks to the amazing nurses and doctors managing the symptoms. It’s a horrible horrible disease. Sending love and thoughts x