Esophageal Cancer - nearing the end?

My normally strong, lovely dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer in September and was given 6 months to live at that time. He was operated on to have a stent fitted, and then another inside that stent a month later. This was an awful time as the stents never took and he struggled to swallow so he had to have them taken out. He was then able to eat small amounts for a month or so and then was back in having another stent fitted as the tumor was pressing making it difficult to swallow. He has barely eaten anything since (that as February). He is declining rapidly and has lost around 6 stones, is unable to sit for any length of time as he gets too sore. He has a hospital bed in the house now and needs a wheelchair to take him from the livingroom to his bedroom as he has no strength to stand. His heart is strong although all other organs and muscles aren't. He sleeps more than he is awake. He coughs alot and struggles to clear his throat. I don't know what to do other than listen to him when he is able to speak (which isn't often). Spending my time at the moment just keeping him company but watching him is heartbreaking. I don't know what to say to him now as it hurts too much. I cannot imagine life without him. Does this sound as though his time with us is nearing an end?

  • Offline in reply to Son0302

    I’m glad you spoke to your sister <3 big hugs to you all. I think deep down we all know but try to keep positive for others around us. I have felt recently that not many people, friends alike, quite understand what we’re going through. Because I don’t overshare that aren’t aware of how sick dad is and rarely ask after him which upsets me. One friend was really shocked when I did open up. I’m mostly painting a smile and trying to carry on as normal but at nights it’s hard and I breakdown once the kids are in bed x 

  • Offline in reply to SB76

    It’s just a horrible horrible thing to go through, I am sending love and prayer to you and your family through this journey. The only thing we can do is spend the little time we have left with our parents, make sure they know we are there to support them and love them, and that they don’t suffer when it comes closer to the time of passing. 

  • You're welcome SB76, and you are so right......it really does help to engage with people who are going through the same thing (or have been through the same thing).  I'm so pleased that your workplace has been so accommodating to you, which means that you can spend more time with your Mum, take care and all the best, xx

  • You're welcome Son0302, and if I may make a suggestion to you, if you don't mind?  Tell your Mum how much you Love her......one of my biggest regrets is that I never told my Mum I loved her, and it is too late to say these things when they are gone, take care, and please keep us informed, xx 

  •      thank you all for giving advice and kind words during what was a really difficult time with dad. He passed away a few days ago. He was so strong right til the end. He deteriorated more over the Monday so mum and I took turns sitting with him. I had seen a change on the Wednesday morning and just knew. Woke mum up and I’m so glad I did as we were then both able to be there holding his hand. I have never felt pain like it but also relief and major guilt that I knew it was better this way as he was no longer suffering and now at peace. thank you again xx 

  • Offline in reply to SB76

    I am so sorry SB76, and those of us who have walked in your shoes know exactly how you are feeling right at this moment.  The consolation for you and your Mum is the knowledge that your Dad is no longer suffering.  I am so glad that your Dad had you and your Mum with him when he passed, because even if he was not awake I am certain that our loved ones know that we are there with them.  The guilt you are feeling is something that everyone goes through when faced with grief, but please let me assure you that the relief you are feeling that your Dad is now at peace is a true testament to the depth of your love for him........you wanted him to be free and at peace, and at the end of the day, what greater love is there than being prepared to let someone go so that they will be free of their pain and suffering?  I send hugs and condolences to you and your mum and the rest of your family, xx

  • Offline in reply to SB76

    Sb76 I am so sorry to hear this, it’s just an awful thing, I must tell yous also my mum passed away on Wednesday and her funeral was yesterday. When I asked about my mum on that Friday, I was told long weeks or short months, so I flew back to England, ready to come back the weekend after, mum went down hill that Saturday so I flew back Monday morning and stayed by her side, with my sister untill the Wednesday when she passed. She ended up passing peacefully in her sleep in front of us, her symptoms and pain was managed so perfectly all of Wednesday. Again I am so sorry for your loss and really feel what you’re going through. X

  • Son0302, may I express my condolences to you and your family, my thoughts and prayers are with you,  xx

  • Offline in reply to SB76

    Hello SB76 I am so very sorry to hear the sad new of your much loved dad's passing.   Blue-girl is so right with all she has said, I wholeheartedly feel that too.  You and your mum take care of yourselves.  Remember we and others are always here.  Sending you and your mum heartfelt condolences and hugs xx

  • Hello Son0302

    Im sorry for the loss of your mum too.  Look after you.  Take care x