Esophageal Cancer - nearing the end?

My normally strong, lovely dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer in September and was given 6 months to live at that time. He was operated on to have a stent fitted, and then another inside that stent a month later. This was an awful time as the stents never took and he struggled to swallow so he had to have them taken out. He was then able to eat small amounts for a month or so and then was back in having another stent fitted as the tumor was pressing making it difficult to swallow. He has barely eaten anything since (that as February). He is declining rapidly and has lost around 6 stones, is unable to sit for any length of time as he gets too sore. He has a hospital bed in the house now and needs a wheelchair to take him from the livingroom to his bedroom as he has no strength to stand. His heart is strong although all other organs and muscles aren't. He sleeps more than he is awake. He coughs alot and struggles to clear his throat. I don't know what to do other than listen to him when he is able to speak (which isn't often). Spending my time at the moment just keeping him company but watching him is heartbreaking. I don't know what to say to him now as it hurts too much. I cannot imagine life without him. Does this sound as though his time with us is nearing an end?

Parents
  • Hello SB76

    I too wanted to say how very sorry I am for your lovely dad is going through, and you too.  Its heartbreaking to go through and to witness.  So very sadly, as Blue-girl has said, your dad does seem to be nearing the end.    I lost my husband, soulmate to Junctional Esophagus Cancer nearly 8 years ago.  I know its heartbreaking, no words to describe, how hard it is for you to sit and watch.  You are a wonderful daughter supporting your dad by being there holding his hand, being with him.  Say everything you want to say to him, how much you love him, for you and for him.  I hope you too have support.  Try to take care of you too.  So sorry take care huge huge hugs and love x

  • Thank you for your kind words. I'm so sorry for your loss too. That must have been the most heartbreaking time for you. I hope you had lots of support around you to help ease the pain. I appreciate your honestly as this is all we have ever wanted from the start to know what to expect. I do tell dad every time I leave that I love him as I just never know what the next day will bring. Mum is trying to be so strong and helping him as much as she can. It's so hard watching him like this. He's not in pain but he's just suffering in other ways. Thank you again, I hope life is being kind to you now after everything you have been through x

  • Hello SB76

    Thank you for thinking of me too, when your dad and you all are going through so much.  I had support from my daughter and wider family. and friends,

    Im glad your dad has no pain, they can do so much to help, our local hospice was so amazing, dont know what we would have done without them,  They dont leave you either, their always there to listen and support.  

    You are a loving family and Im sure your dad has great comfort from your mum and his lovely daughter,  Give your mum a hug from me, take it hour by hour, day by day.  If I could take it all away I would.  Look after yourselves take care love and hugs x

  • Hi  and  it's good to hear that you were able to get support from family and your local hospice. Ours I'm afraid haven't been that great.  We do have a palliative care nurse visit once a fortnight and a district nurse that comes the alternative week. We have requested carers so are waiting on social work putting this in place. Just to help mum in the morning and evening if he manages to get up.

    I'm fortunate enough that I can work from home some days so I plan to sit with dad to let mum at least get out a walk. 

    Dad stayed in bed all day yesterday with no fight in him. I find I am praying for him to get better which I know he wont then I feel bad for thinking he would be better and at peace if he slept away. I just hate seeing him like this. I feel so guilty for these feelings as I don't know what we'll do without him.

    I really appreciate you both getting in touch and am so sorry for your loss as I now know how difficult this all is. Sending hugs your way xx 

      

  • Morning SB76

    Sorry to hear that your local hospice is not able to help you much.  Very sad.  I have just been reading whats happening to hospices all over the country.  Our Hospice has gone from 12 beds to 6 and closed the day therapy unit, all down to funding and what it costs for these invaluable lifeline services,  One of our MP's is doing everything he can in government to bring this to attention and get it sorted and funded.  This is something for you your mum and precious dad is just awful to have going on at this time for you all.  I am glad to hear you have some support from a pallative care nurse and district nurse and hopefully carers in place asap to support your mum which is so needed.  They have an amazing loving daughter in you, your doing everthing you can to be there and support with all you are doing,

    Don't be hard on yourself, your feelings are completely okay and understandable.  I went through all the things you are experiencing and I am sure many people will tell you they did too.  Its hard to watch somone you love so much become so ill.  Talking on here helps and people give amazing advice.  Its good your able to do that on this forum.  Take all the support you can.  Look after you SB76 too.  Thinking of you all big hugs xx

  • Morning SB76.  I am very sad to hear that you are not able to get all of the help you need.  There have been so many cut-backs in these vital services, which is such a shame, because these services are a life-line for people who have cancer, and also for the people that are caring for them.  You sound like a terrific daughter and your parents are very lucky to have you.  Please don't feel guilty for how you are feeling.  It is the most natural thing in the world to not want our loved ones to suffer.  I will always remember a very tough decision that me and my two sisters had to make.  My Mum's Oncologist told us that with medication, he could give our Mum  a few more weeks, but he told us that because our Mum's body was starting to break down, she would simply be laying in bed, unable to do anything.  He said that the other alternative was to let her go in peace........and that's what we did.  We loved our Mum enough to let her go  That's what you are feeling right now SB76......you Love your Dad, but at the same time, you Love him enough to want him to be at peace.  Stay strong mate, you are doing brilliantly, xxl  

  • That would have been a tough decision but you 100% made the right choice. I would have chosen the same. Carers are now in place to help four times a day which has been good for mum. And work has been great allowing me to reduce duties and work from home so I’m able to be there more. Thank you so much, it really does help to share experiences with people who have been in similar situations xx 

Reply
  • That would have been a tough decision but you 100% made the right choice. I would have chosen the same. Carers are now in place to help four times a day which has been good for mum. And work has been great allowing me to reduce duties and work from home so I’m able to be there more. Thank you so much, it really does help to share experiences with people who have been in similar situations xx 

Children
  • You're welcome SB76, and you are so right......it really does help to engage with people who are going through the same thing (or have been through the same thing).  I'm so pleased that your workplace has been so accommodating to you, which means that you can spend more time with your Mum, take care and all the best, xx