Jealousy of others, knowing I can't do things they can. Please help

I feel so jealous when I see people going about their ordinary lives. I sit at home crying most of the time. 
I’ll never go on holiday again, never take joy in buying nice things. 
help me please. 

  • Welcome to the forum, Cobcottage.

    I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It sounds like you're going through a difficult time, and it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed by these emotions. It's okay to feel jealous and to grieve for the things you feel you've lost or can't enjoy right now.

    It might be helpful to talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling, whether it's a friend, family member, or mental health professional. Also, there are organisations like Mind that can be helpful if you ever find yourself struggling with these these feelings. Additionally, you might wan to consider exploring activities or hobbies that bring you joy, even if they're small or different from what you're used to. Finding moments of pleasure and purpose can help alleviate some of the sadness you're experiencing.

    There are many others who will understand exactly how you're feeling.  Hopefully some of them will be along shortly to talk to you and offer support as speaking with those who can relate does seem to help.

    Las but not least, please remember, you're not alone in this, there's always someone here for when you need a chat.

    All the best,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • If you don't mind me asking, what can you actually do mobility wise? Are you housebound?

    Our two years going through this to a stop to holidays, looking on enviously at others just being normal and so on. It was actually more depressing than the illness. Couldn't really extract much joy from anything. Then as time went on, kinda decided to use what we could our legs and our eyes. What you once found luxuries and normal were no longer available, so we tried new things.

    We live next to a seafront, like, our house looks out onto the Firth of Forth here in Edinburgh. Because we have lived here so long (20+ years), we barely took notice of anything that we had taken for granted. Because our circumstances didn't allow for fancy holidays and shopping trips, we began to just adapt to what was possible. Take things in around you long enough, you'll soon realise there's things out there that are every bit as interesting as what you think you've lost.

    Looking out to sea one day, we spotted a pod of what i assume were dolphins waaaaaaaaaay in the distance. Had never noticed that before. Didn't even know dolphins were a thing in the UK, never mind outside our window. Always assumed they were swimming in some exotic part of the world. But here they were right in front of us. Supposedly they are a pretty common sight where we live, yet I never once spotted them because i was too concerned about other stuff. There were many more things we discovered that we never knew about. The dolphins were just one of many things.

    It may not be your thing, because it certainly was never one of my things, but things like wildlife and our surroundings became our new normal. I came to appreciate what we had around us more than i ever appreciated holidays. We aren't old, we're in our 40's, so I'm not coming at you from an old person's perspective.

    I'm not saying for a minute it has to be all about nature, but unless you live bang in the middle of a desert, there will be something somewhere that can become your new normal. Whether that be a hobby, something social, learning a new way to appreciate something etc etc you can adapt. Staring at 4 walls can only be done for so long before it drives you insane, so when you decide you no longer want to do that, try something new. The worst that can happen is you go back to staring at 4 walls and lose nothing. Alternatively, you could actually find something that eases your mind and takes you to a better place mentally.

  • Thank you so much for your reply.   I’m pretty mobile at the moment. We walk the dogs and I do housework. My biggest problem is pain. It makes me cry.  Nothing will control it, it’s constant.  
    I’m just very unhappy. 

  • Hello I joined today and was reading your piece about feeling jealous about people leading there ordinary lives I felt this very strongly this morning its Easter sunday and nothing changes  for me. I use to be such a happy time ,holidys ,family around  .now its just me (with terminal cancer) I also have my mother here ,who Im the main carer for so I can't just walk out and get in the car and go out for the day.No more spontaneity in my life any more .everything has to be thought out and planned in advance , I get around two hours  to get the shopping and be back to cook her tea before the evening cares come to help her to bed . I now have a lump in my neck and I,m scared it will be my brain next ,Im not sure how much normal time I have left as my stamina is getting less  .,People say live in the moment but I find that to be nonsense  .I would be in spain  soaking up some warm spring sunshine ,or driving to the coast or visiting my grand children .I find myself getting sort tempered and cross if things go wrong . I dont like myself for having these feelings. 


  • Thank you. I feel exactly the same. This is not a life.