Hello SummerBreeze, 

It was really moving to read your story and you write beautifully. It's so sad that your grandfather only has days left to live and that he is now so frail. It was so nice of you to visit him in the hospice and I am sure he appreciated the time you spent with him there and the conversations you had about things that mattered to him like his childhood memories. It sounds like he is very well looked after at the hospice and that the setting is rather pleasant with the lovely view into the communal garden, the spacious and clean room. What a touching scene when you told him you loved him and he said that he loved you too. This is a moment you will never forget. He sounds like a lovely man with a great sense of humour. 

Your words are beautiful and will resonate deeply with many members of our community who have sadly been in a similar place before and had to say goodbye to their loved ones. You are so right when you say that we should cherish each and every second we have in this life and that we need to love ourselves and others which isn't always easy but you seem yourself very caring and I am sure your grandfather was deeply touched by your visit and that you made that day a beautiful one for you both to cherish and remember forever. 

We're thinking of you SummerBreeze during this difficult time and wanted you to know that you are not alone and I will now let other forum members come and say hello and share their story with you. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator 

Thank you for reading my post, Lucie. Your reply means a lot to me. Apologies for posting such a novel but I felt it was necessary. Sadly, my grandfather didn't make it through the night on Wednesday night/Thursday morning (the night I made the post) so that was the last time I will ever get to spend with him. He died peacefully in his sleep and is now no longer in pain. Things don't seem the same without him here. It's tough. He will be so sorely missed. Take care <3

Hi SummerBreeze,

I've just seen your post and wanted to send our condolences for your loss. I can see Lucie has already sent you a lovely reply. We are always here for support on the forum if ever you need it, even if it's just to write things down - or to reach out to others with similar experience.

Take things a day at a time and do take care of yourself.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Your condolences are greatly appreciated, Ben. It's comforting to know that people like you and Lucie are doing this kind of thing. You are both very sweet. Stay safe <3

Hi Summerbreeze,

I have just come across your post and couldn't move on without saying how very sorry I am to hear about your grandfather's passing and to offer my Sincerest sympathy. It sounds as if he was a very special man, with whom you had a very close bond and I am sure that you feel devastated at your loss. I am older than you and have unfortunately, lost many loved ones in my life. Sadly, it never gets any easier and it can take some time to come to terms with our grief.

One thing I can say with certainty though, is that the old adage is true. "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all". Instead of dwelling on your loss, try to cherish the memories you have, talk to other family members who share these memories and keep them alive. You will always hold a place in your heart for your grandfather.

My thoughts are with you and your family and I am always here to chat with if you need some support.

Kindest regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine. I would first like to apologise for such a late response and also thank you for such a heartfelt message. The last 4 months have been somewhat of a nightmare. The guilt that I feel for not staying with my grandfather that night is immense and I am still struggling to get over the fact that he is gone. I am sorry that you have had to endure the pain of losing many of your loved ones. You must be very strong. Your words of encouragement, sympathy and wisdom are profoundly impactful. Stay strong <3

Hi SummerBreeze,

It is lovely to hear from you. Please never worry about how long it takes to reply to me. I understand your guilt at not staying with your grandfather on his final night. I had a similar experience with my mum. I had been with her all day. My brother arrived in the early evening and I immediately told him that her death was imminent and that I would be staying with her in the hospice overnight. My brother didn't believe that her end was so close and asked me to step outside with him, to discuss our different thoughts. We walked down the corridor and stood outside her bedroom window and I noticed that she had passed in those few minutes.

I struggled with this for many years, before a friend said "You were there for the 12 years that she struggled with this disease, so you have nothing to castigate yourself about". When I thought about it, she was right. Although we lived in different countries, I flew to see her almost every weekend and spent longer spells with her, as often as my work allowed. My 3 brothers, who all lived in the same country, seldom visited, or did anything to help her.

I hope that this feeling of guilt will gradually lessen for you. If not, do you have a Maggie's centre near you? I spoke to a counsellor there and found our chat very helpful - you might too.

I am always here if you feel the need to talk.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine. I am so so sorry that you went through a similar experience. I am sure your mother was immensely proud and grateful to have you travelling all that way to be with and help her. Ultimately, you and your friend are right. However, I just can't seem to shake it off. I know hindsight is 20-20 but I kick myself every single day. I am not familiar with Maggie's but I will Google it. I hope you are well <3