Mum is terminal

My mum was told the news 2 weeks ago that she is terminal.

I found out yesterday.

It was bowel, she had radio & chemo but it has spread to her lymphatic system, apparently it’s rare & not been seen & non-operable.

12 months without treatment & less than 5 years with treatment.

She is dying, i’m going to lose my mum & not to old age.

The consultant said ‘oh it’s nothing to worry about’ at first & now she is dying, going to lose my mum.

How do I support her? I’m terrified & i’m know she is to, I love her so much, it’s horrendous news.

My boyfriend & I are going to do a commitment ceremony so she can see me who I would look on my wedding day, just so she can see this.

My dad says everything he does is for ‘Moley’ that’s his name for her, this is crucifying but I want to support her best I can?

How do I process this? 

Feel selfish for being so upset & scared as I know my mum has been given the worst news imaginable.

What do I do? How do I help? 

  • Welcome to Cancer Chat Flem12345 although I'm so sorry to hear about your mum.

    This must be an incredibly difficult time for all of you, so please don't be so hard on yourself for how you are feeling at the moment. 

    I hope this section of our website will help you and your family find ways to cope with the news you've been given but if you'd like to discuss any of this with one of our cancer nurses, you can give them a call on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m. They are there to listen, and will do all they can to support you and answer any other questions you may have at this time.

    We are here for you Flem12345 and I'm sure some of our members who have been through this with their loved ones will be along soon to share their experiences and advice.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hey,

    I am going through similar. My mum found out in may that her womb cancer had recurred and now in her liver and sternum. She's had treatment but the prognosis is 18 months. I'm here to chat, my inbox is open. I feel the same as you x

  • Hiya,

    I’m so sorry that we’re both experiencing this horrendous situation, i’ve been saying there’s no other way to say it other than ‘it is so so ***’.

    How’s your mum doing? How are you doing? x

  • My mum basically had endometrial cancer in 2020 which she had surgery and all was well...roll on to march this year she had bad chest pain, doctors kept pushing her pillow to post. Her oncologist at a check up for her previous cancer brushed everything off. Took me multiple calls a day to secretaries etc as all refusing to see mum. After CT scan revealed it's in her liver, sternum etc. At the appointment before scan the consultant brushed it off saying if it has recurred it'll just be some chemo!! She's been told 18 months and it's so hard to believe it as right now she seems like her usual self but I can't stop thinking about life without her. She's just finished 6 rounds of chemo and now we wait for a scan to see how much it has shrunk, then it's scans every 3 months.

    How is your mum and what's her plan? X