My husband is terminal Ill with stomach cancer

He has just had a stent fitted in his bile duct near liver, he has chemotherapy and 2 other treatments on 11th next week, he cannot eat only drinking little water which he vomits and wrenches all day long he has a driver syringe with 3 medication’s in it, and has as and when needed oromorph, he is having trouble staying out of bed as he is in so much pain, when he goes to lavatory he only just makes it as he feels like he is going to pass out, I am so concerned that he won’t be able to tolerate his treatments.

my husband is now suffering from anxiety attacks when our adult children visit, he just ignores them until they leave  it breaks my heart, as they adore him so much, we have 3 boys and 1 daughter and my husband is so angry with myself and my daughter all we do is do our upper most to help and keep him comfortable, we need advice in how to cope around my dearest hubby.

  • Hello craned64,

    I'm sorry to hear about your husband's difficult situation and the strain it's placing on your family. Coping with a loved one's illness can be incredibly challenging, both emotionally and physically. It's important to prioritize your husband's comfort and well-being while also considering your own and your children's needs.

    Hopefully others who have encountered a similar situation will pop here soon with words of advice and support. In the meantime I thought this page from our website might be useful, it's called Family, friends and caregivers and there you can find  tips on how to support someone with cancer and how to take care of yourself.

    Remember to take care of yourself and seek support for your own well-being too. It's okay to lean on friends, family, or support groups for emotional support and please remember there is always someone here for when you need a chat.

    Best wishes to you and your family,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hi craned64

    My dad had similar treatments as your husband and it sounds like he had a similar emotional reaction - pushing away people who care about him. It sounds, however, like he is not pushing you away. You could ask him very calmly why he is behaving towards your children in that way. It could be that subconsciously he is trying to protect them.

    Regarding managing symptoms - dad wanted to be at home so we cared for him there. He wore incontinence pants to remove the worry about not making it to the toilet, although he did manage to go to the loo. Hopefully the driver is supplying your husband with anti-vomiting medication as well as pain relief. If his chemo changed recently, it could be a reaction to that - check with his oncologist if the dose could be changed to make it more tolerable.

    Be proud that you are managing all this! All of the focus is on your husband and I bet very few people ask how you are!! Know that you are not alone and if you need help, please do ask for it (Macmillan, a local hospice charity, etc)

    All the best for you and your family



  • I would just like to thank you both for your helpful advice, my husband is now back from hospital at home with us, but the news is not good,  my family and I are absolutely devastated by the time we have left to care and love him,we have only up to 3 weeks it could be only days we have been told, our hearts have been shattered into piece s every day I pray for a miracle to happen ️

  • Craned64,

    I have just read your post and wanted to send you and your family love and strength for the days and weeks ahead xx

  • Hi craned64,

    I am so sorry to hear this. It's so tough what you are facing.

    Is your husband clear about what is going to happen and do you feel you have the support you need?

    We had help from palliative care nurses, District nurses and a hospice at home (which was reliant on funding being available). It can all be rather over-whelming and there will be lots of people in and out of your home over the next days and weeks, which can be quite disruptive/disturbing for you and your husband, as well as actually giving structure and routine to the day. I would recommend making a note of all the names of people who visit you, and when. We lost track!

    If you have decided he is going to spend the rest of his time at home, there are certain processes that will need to be followed and you should have a discussion with his care givers about what happens next so that you are as prepared as you can be. 

    He may find it hard to communicate with time - it  might be worth coming up with some short hands for answering questions yes or no. We had an electronic bell so that he could summon us if he needed anything. 

    My dad had just died the day before I saw your first post so I can imagine a little how you are feeling. You can be there with him, sharing memories and giving him lots and lots of love. 

    I will be thinking of you.



  • Hi craned64.. just thinking about you and hoping you are ok. You popped into my head.

  • Hello Sezzy’ it’s very kind of you thinking about my family and I, my husband Stephen passed over on the 6-10 5Am, I hope I done him proud,  my boys “ children which are adults between us we all car for Stephen at home, and we’re with him when he passed over

  • I am so sorry for you. Cancer is so cruel. We have just been told my Mum has weeks/months to live and I’m absolutely devastated. Up until Friday we knew nothing.
    we live and do everything together and have the best times and I can’t imagine what life will be like without her. I don’t have my own family through choice/it’s just not happened, so I will be left in our house all on my own. I do have family nearby and friends but it just won’t be the same. I don’t know what to do with myself. I hope I will be able to cope on my own.

  • Hi craned64. So sorry to hear and am glad you were all be there with him. Lots of hugs and best wishes to your family and you x

  • I am sorry to hear about your mum, such heart breaking news for you both, McMillan are so wonderful and will support mum and your self 24/7, they are still supporting me and my children, they help with so much we would not cope without them. Sending our love and many hugs for you both, I’m here for you if you need a chat at anytime x