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Normal?

Hennaman
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Hi,

I was diagnosed at Christmas 2022 with late stage liver cancer, inoperable and untreatable. The drs estimate 6 months or so but I actually feel as fit and healthy as I did 5 years ago, I am still at work and presently renovating our house. I spend most of my time acting "normal" but the truth is I am sad, frightened and probably still in shock, I find I can just about stay with it most days but then my wife or son will have a breakdown and I find I am reassuring them etc when I dont really feel it myself.

I am in my early 50s and had so many plans and dreams for the future which I am trying to accept will never happen.

On the medical front I feel unsupported, discouraged from a second opinion and feel my consultant would like me to go away quietly and die. I have nowhere else to go, no oncologist or any other contact at the hospital, is that normal?

Sorry if I have gone on and on but just dont know what to do or say at the moment 

  • Offline

    Hi Hennaman

    Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. It's such a difficult time for you and your family. 

    Sorry to hear that you feel unsupported on the medical front. When you spoke with your consultant, was you passed on any information? A specialist nurse or Macmillian nurse contact details who you could speak to?

    My mom was passed a lot of information on where she could go for support or if she had any questions when she was diagnosed. 

    Sending best wishes 

    Mel

     

  • Offline in reply to MEL21

    Hi Mel

    No, the information I was given was sparse but through my own digging and my brilliant GP I am now in touch with Macmillan and they have given me loads of information to be getting on with.

    I guess I just feel lonely with this sometimes and if something is bothering me I dont want to upset the family by bringing it up. I am sure groups like this will be a great help.

    Take care

    H

  • in reply to Hennaman

    Hello Hannaman

    I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis and that you've been left feeling so adrift by the hospital. It's understandable that you've been feeling lonely and frustrated. 

    I'm really glad to hear that your GP on the other hand is brilliant. It's great that you have that support from them and that they were able to put you in touch with Macmillan. 

    I wanted to give you the link for a charity called Maggie's. Hopefully there is a centre in your local area and I'd really encourage you to get in touch with them for some support. If your wife and son feel that they would like support too then they can also access the services at Maggie's. Cancer undoubtedly can leave you feeling very lonely but you're not alone Hannaman. There is support out there and hopefully you'll be able to access that. 

    If you want to chat with our nurses at any point you're welcome to call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm. I know they will be happy to listen and to offer any advice and support they can. 

    I also wanted to just share with you some information on our website about getting a second opinion. Sometimes getting a second opinion doesn't make a difference to the prognosis but it can help with coming to terms with the diagnosis, so if this is something you feel you need and the Consultant has been unsupportive then do chat with your GP. 

    In the meantime, know that we're here for you any time you feel the need to chat, ask questions or simply offload how you're feeling in a safe space. 

    Sending you my best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Jenn

    Hi Jenn

    Thanks for the information and link and I will definitely follow these up, Macmillan have also given me some links and offered counselling for my wife and son which I think will help enormously. I understand that a second opinion is unlikely to change anything but may explain why no treatment at all is available.

    Again many thanks

    H

  • Offline in reply to Hennaman

    Truthfully, and i appreciate you're not me, but in your position, and faced with a similar prognosis, i'd seek a second opinion if i felt the same as you. Not saying it will get you far, and not insinuating it will change much, but you will know you've done all you can. Folk have discovered trials etc by widening the net, that weren't ever known to them.

    Everyone is entitled to a second opinion.

  • Offline in reply to ProfBaw

    Hi Hennaman 

    That's great to hear you have got some information from your GP. Macmillian are just fantastic. 

    Completely understand, even though we have lots of support around us, we have gone through the feeling of lonley and still do. Always here is you need a chat. May not have all the answers but here to support where I can. 

    Take care and sending best wishes to you 

    Mel

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