Hi Daddy'sgirl,

A very warm wecome to our forum - the forum that nobody really wants to join. I am so sorry to hear of your Dad's diagnosis and can understand just how devastating this must be for you and your family. You will find that a better way to cope with this is to concentrate on making as many memories as you can, whilst you still have your Dad. Talk to him openly and say all that you have to say while you still can. It is heartbreaking to lose a well-loved parent, but even more difficult to do so when you yourself are still young and don't have much experience of death. 

The most important thing to do at the moment is to stop castigating yourself for not noticing his deterioration. Do your best to visit often. Ensure that he is as comfortable as possible and that his care team is on top of his medication and controlling any pain well. Discuss what your Dad wants at the end and how he is feeling about his diagnosis. Sadly, there may come a time when he is unable to communicate with you, so the more you find out now, the better you'll be able to fulfil his wishes at the end. By the sound of things, your Dad is a private person, who would not think to bother or upset you with such matters, so you may have to be the one to broach the subject.. 

Try your best to hold on to your brave face when you're with him - inevitably there'll be tears behind the scenes, but these are a good stress reliever. Try not to think of all the family occasions when you will miss him just now. Unfortunately, you'll have years to think abbout these later, but concentrate on your Dad for now. Let him know how much you love him and help him to accept the inevitible.

Have you been given a prognosis? This is at best his care team's guesstimate on how long he has left. Many people outlive their prognoses by quite some considerable time. It sounds as if you really need a holiday and, provided that his doctors are talking more in weeks or months, than days, it might be the best thing to go on holiday. You will need all of your strength to cope with what lies ahead and a holiday might be just what you need to recharge your batteries.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on and remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx