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Being there at the end - Mum dying

Claireh26
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Hi sorry for the multiple posts.

my mum is end of life in hospital and I've been by her side pretty much all the time since they told me she was being taken off treatment and put onto end of life care - this happened on Tuesday this week.

now that I can see the end isn't far away I'm getting scared and I don't know if I should be here at the end. I thought I wanted to be and that would be what my Mum would want but we never spoke about this kind of stuff and now I am really frightened of being here when it happens. I feel really alone and isolated and scared. I don't have any support and I don't have anyone here with me it's just me and Mum in a side room. I feel silly being scared because it's my Mum and I adore her. But I think it's the fear of really losing it and melting down and how would I get home safely in that sort of state, being on my own and vulnerable. Im desperately trying not to think about it happening but I fear it's not going to be far off and I am getting really petrified. Please help!

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    So sorry you are going through this with no support. 

    I have never been in your situation but i do work in healthcare, so i have a few things to tell you. 

    Please do not worry about your own reactions to your mothers death. It is possibly the most traumatic time people can experience. As a healthcare worker, we have seen it all, and any staff around you and your mum will expect these reactions. I promise you that almost everybody has a huge reaction to grief, and most commonly this is in a hospital setting. Speak to the team of professionals around you and your mum, share with them your fears and tell them you have no support. They can help a lot more than you think. They arent just there for your mum, but they are there for you too. They will most likely have a bereavement area, specific staff to support you and explain things, or to talk things through. You will feel lost after your mum passes, unfortunately that is inevitable, but there is support for you i promise. 

    Talk and reach out. Be honest and tell them about your fears, ask for advice and guidance. 

    Personally, everyone i have known has regretted not staying at the end - BUT everyone is different. Itll help to talk through your options with a nurse or someone caring for your mum. 

    You are not alone in this, you will not be pushed out of the hospital immediately after your mum passes. Their duty of care doesnt end when your mum passes away - they are still there to get you through the next stages and they can provide you with contacts for just about anything... bereavement support, mental health support, financial support. And more. 

     

    Again i am so sorry you are going through this, but you dont have to do it alone. Speak up, voice your concerns, ask for help. You deserve it. 

    All the best in these difficult times x 

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    So sorry you are going through this with no support. 

    I have never been in your situation but i do work in healthcare, so i have a few things to tell you. 

    Please do not worry about your own reactions to your mothers death. It is possibly the most traumatic time people can experience. As a healthcare worker, we have seen it all, and any staff around you and your mum will expect these reactions. I promise you that almost everybody has a huge reaction to grief, and most commonly this is in a hospital setting. Speak to the team of professionals around you and your mum, share with them your fears and tell them you have no support. They can help a lot more than you think. They arent just there for your mum, but they are there for you too. They will most likely have a bereavement area, specific staff to support you and explain things, or to talk things through. You will feel lost after your mum passes, unfortunately that is inevitable, but there is support for you i promise. 

    Talk and reach out. Be honest and tell them about your fears, ask for advice and guidance. 

    Personally, everyone i have known has regretted not staying at the end - BUT everyone is different. Itll help to talk through your options with a nurse or someone caring for your mum. 

    You are not alone in this, you will not be pushed out of the hospital immediately after your mum passes. Their duty of care doesnt end when your mum passes away - they are still there to get you through the next stages and they can provide you with contacts for just about anything... bereavement support, mental health support, financial support. And more. 

     

    Again i am so sorry you are going through this, but you dont have to do it alone. Speak up, voice your concerns, ask for help. You deserve it. 

    All the best in these difficult times x 

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