Hi Savy,

I am so sorry to hear about your mum..my mum is in a similar state, diagnosed with lung cancer in october 2021 and confirmed it has spread to hip bone and skull in january 2022. My mum has been bedbound for 5 months, and as a result has multiple bedsores one of which is stage 4 on her back and a huge risk of infection. She went straight from hospital to a hospice and i had the battle of bringing her home. My dad didnt want to and he got quite nasty at times, screaming and shouting at me that hes in control and witholding information. Eventually i arranged a meeting with staff at the hospice and my family to explain that keeping her there wouldnt improve her health and that we could get carers at home which he finally listened to. Perhaps you could speak to her doctors and arrange a meeting online to discuss the risks to your mum and how painful it could be to make her travel. Sometimes people are selfish in these scenarios and arent thinking of the person at the centre of it all. 

I fear that my family will be torn apart when mums gone..my dads been threatening us with money etc ..at first i was sad but now iv decided. Once shes gone i will know the truth..and if i have to lose two parents so be it. 

I will always love my mum and put her first and im sure you are doing the same good luck with evrrything x

Hi Savy, first of all, may I say how sorry I am about your mum.  Families can be very selfish at times of crisis and they often make demands that are completely at odds with what is best for the person who is actually dying.  It sounds as if YOU are the one who has been here for your Mother, and you have done all that you can for her best interests.  Perhaps you could ask one of your Mum's Doctors to explain to your brother that there is no way that your Mum can possibly travel to Germany in the frail condition that she is in. 

It is a sad fact of life that the death of a loved one can often bring out the worst in families, but remember one thing Savy:  YOU are the one who has been here helping your Mother and doing everything that is best for her, and NO-ONE, can reproach you in any way.  Good luck, xx

Hi Hannah, 

Thank you for the lovely words. 

I am sorry to hear about your mum's situation and thank you for sharing your story, I will ask the pallative care team to get in contact with him and talk him through. 

Its though trying to stay sane, sort everything out and then have family issues like that to deal with, such an emotional experience. So I am thinking of you and sending you lots of love. How's your mum doing at the moment? 

My fear is the same as yours with family relationships, my brother has been attacking me verbally mentioning how I am not helping her and letting her die, making it worse but when all I have done is trying to do right by her. I hope it won't come to such things but grieve is a funny things. 

Good luck with everything too and look after yourselve xxx

Hello Violetgirl, 

Thank you so much for the kind words, really appreciate this message xx