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Scared to face feelings and have hard conversations.

CLJ1990
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Hi, it's my first time posting in something like this but I'm struggling at the moment. 
My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer at the back end of 2021. After many appointments with oncologists, nurses, doctors etc. some treatment was carried out. Recent tests show the cancer is no more agressive than before which is great news; however I have recently found myself feeling overwhelmed with emotion. 
On the day my mum was diagnosed, I was also told my grandad (my mums dad) also had cancer. He had chemo but recent tests show the cancer has returned and so he is having to go through another lot of chemo. 
Also within the past couple week, my grandma (my mums mum) was dignoaed with cancer. Luckily this has been found very early and is very treatable. 
I have recently found myself really withdrawing from the whole situation as I am struggling with feeling upset, confused, a little bit peed off and scared. I want to be as supportive as I can but  I'm really struggling. I love spending time with my family but when I leave I always tend to have the thought of their illness and what is going to happen to them over the next few months/years looming over me. I am 27 and my mum is only in her forties and so I feel my mum is going to be leaving me too soon and I whilst I am a very independent person, I feel I am really struggling with the thought of not having my mum around. 
I have a very supportive family but I struggle to have conversations which seem difficult as it almost makes it all feel too real. I am at the point where I need to start talking more but I don't want to upset my family by bringing things up. Does anyone have any advice on what conversations I should be having and how to approach these conversations? Also any advice on how to cope in such a difficult time would be very much appreciated! 
thank you for taking the time to read 

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    So sorry to read your chat  u prob need some u time , it so much to digest and take in , with so meny in family got that terrible  disease, sounds like u need some counselling  to put your thoughts to someone else Muriel curie are good and mac million  nurses u can even book appointment  with your GPS   thy will refer u  too, u need take one day at a time yourself   things will get better once u try to discuss things with your loved ones but for now thy seem to blank it out nothing personal  thy need time to digest it too 

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    I totally get you. My mum is dying. At the moment she's having treatment, but long term the outcome isn't good. They can only buy her more time, but it comes at a price. She's uffering badly from the chemo, and we've had to have some incredibly difficult conversations recently. She's preparing me for when she's gone, going through paperwork, telling me her wishes etc. My mum has never asked how long, but I have, and although I haven't been given a timescale, I have been told that cure isn't possible. Today my mum has told me if there's no cure, then she doesn't want to go through the hell of treatment for nothing. If she's going to die, she'd rather it was sooner than prolonged. I had to tell her there is no cure. That was incredibly hard. Going through funerl wishes etc is so painful for us both. There's only me,no one else, so that makes it harder that there's no one to share the load. I know these conversations need to be had, and I know she feels better for letting me know her wishes. Not better physically but mentally. I try to make sure all conversations are about her and what she wants and feels. I'll sort out my own grief later.

    I can't offer advice on how to have these conversations, but the time will come when it is right to have them, and you are not alone in feeling the way you do x

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    I was diagnosed with terminal cancer back in 2012. I had to have the biggest part of my left lung removed. My prognosis was 6///8 months. It's metastatic but in all honesty I didn't cry or scream I said to my oncologist. No I do nog accept I only have six months to  eight months. I will give this cancer the fight of my life. At first they thought I was in denial. It was only until my friend was cring thst I told her tk dtip that nonsense I only want string people around me. He suddenly realised I had meant what I said. Where it suddenly came from I do not know. I had adjuvant chemotherapy. Which I found gruelling. A few months later they found more cancer. I was given chemotherapy again with just the one drug. I am not going to mention the drug and put people off of it. It's been refund anc I hear it's far much better xi started this drug. After 2 cycles.  I refused to have any monr.  The drug itself almost killed me.so got anyone reading this. Ask the oncologist if your mum can have immunotherapy. It had just started trials in thr U.K.. the side affects are no where as bad as chemo your first time. Is a hour long. If you have no problem the rest only take half hour. Abd boy they can extend your life. I am going to die eventually but having had my life extended by 10 years was something I never thought possibly. So please please ask your oncologist to let your mums treatment be immunotherapy. 
    regarding asking your mum things is hard to say I took charge of my own funeral etc. Try asking Macmillan how to approach it. It's all changed. When I had my diagnosis. Macmillan used to be all hone visits back then. Where as know u understand it's either phone calls or you gave Ito go to they it was so much nicer. I wish I could be more help my love but please even to the others who's mums are having treatment it's now time to ask for immunotherapy. Ps I was stage 4 yet here I still am 10 years later. At the time of diagnosis I was 53....your mum ifn her forties she needs to be given immunotherapy. To extend her life. All the best. But seriously no more chemo.  Immunotherapy nos.  Take care my love 
     

     

     

     

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    Hey beautiful girl.... I've just read your words you bravely wrote.... I hope you are ok? It's terrible....I don't know what to do..

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