Hello Rowe, your anger and pain come through in the words you have written and it is right that you should feel this way.  Yes life is cruel, my daughters lost their lovely dad five weeks ago after he had battled cancer for five years, they are heartbroken, as am I.  You're doing really well hiding it from Mum, she would not realise why you're so upset, we do find enormous strength from deep down and unfortunately you are having to do this at a relatively young age, it's all so very sad and there is no answers to any of it.  Sharing your pain is a good way to deal with it and that's what you have now done.  I'm not going to give you platitudes, you don't need them.  You're now caring for her as she cared for you, unselfishly.  I've always been strong for my daughters but I have wept buckets on their shoulders and they now see my inner grief, they have become the parent to me, as you have become in caring for your lovely Mum.  There is always someone on this forum to help, to shout at the world , cry out in anger, we've all done it and fully understand how you feel.  I'm  sending a virtual hug your way, look after yourself as well, as it will not be an easy road, take any help offered, being strong is OK but we still need each other.  Love your way, Carol x

So sorry for your loss Carol. I keep trying to be thankful for things but it's just so hard to see her struggling. I would trade places with her in a heart beat.

She would not want that for one moment. Don't be too hard on yourself. 

Hi, yes life certainly is cruel, i lost my mum wjen she was 55, i was 22, she had liver cancer, never smoke or drank, she didnt get long after diagnosis, 5 months i think, she took the chemo but it didnt work. I was 22 with a 3 year old, single parent. i remember her being so sad that she would never take my child to nursery. I needed my mum so much, she had just reared her family and was beginning to enjoy her spare time, i was just beginning to mature a bit having been a bit of a difficult teenager,  i never got those few years of a mature relationship with her. I cried on my way home every night,  she never had much of a life, my partner of 18 years aged 53 was diagnosed with stomach cancer 2 weeks ago, now I am reliving the same pain and utter heartache all over again. Its hard to believe i was here before 33 years ago, but here i am. My partner was the best thing ever happened to me, i thought we would grow old together, damn! Hope this helps a bit that your pain has been endured the world over, my partner quoted me recently...."out of crisis resides the seeds of grace'...i hope i find that grace...take care. 

Hi, yes life certainly is cruel, i lost my mum wjen she was 55, i was 22, she had liver cancer, never smoke or drank, she didnt get long after diagnosis, 5 months i think, she took the chemo but it didnt work. I was 22 with a 3 year old, single parent. i remember her being so sad that she would never take my child to nursery. I needed my mum so much, she had just reared her family and was beginning to enjoy her spare time, i was just beginning to mature a bit having been a bit of a difficult teenager,  i never got those few years of a mature relationship with her. I cried on my way home every night,  she never had much of a life, my partner of 18 years aged 53 was diagnosed with stomach cancer 2 weeks ago, now I am reliving the same pain and utter heartache all over again. Its hard to believe i was here before 33 years ago, but here i am. My partner was the best thing ever happened to me, i thought we would grow old together, damn! Hope this helps a bit that your pain has been endured the world over, my partner quoted me recently...."out of crisis resides the seeds of grace'...i hope i find that grace...take care.