I'm sorry about your ex's cancer diagnosis Brownbag and the anxiety this is causing your children.

We have a lot of parents on the forum who know how tricky this situation can be so you're not alone and I'm sure some members of our community will be along soon to share their experiences and advice.

In the meantime, I hope this information we have on how to support children whose parents have cancer will prove useful. The charity Young Minds have some handy tips on how to help a child with anxiety just here but your GP may be able to provide you with some resources to help your children as well.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello Brownbag,

I'm so sorry to hear of your ex's diagnosis. Your story is very similar to mine although I am one of my dad's 4 children. He was diagnosed in February with bowel cancer that has spread to his liver and lungs and is on his 4th round of chemotherapy, he is due to have a scan next month to see if its worked with stopping it spreading. My mum and dad spilt up many years ago but she has moved back to help be there for my dad. I'm the oldest and feel I am quite strong however 2 of my siblings like your own children are really struggling, very stressed, not sleeping etc. All 4 of us are dealing with it differently but I am trying to keep asking if they are OK and letting them know I'm here if they need to talk. We are all helping in different ways to help us feel the best we possibly can and to help my dad, for example my brother loves to make him laugh and talk about new films and the xbox, my sister loves just being there incase he just wants a cuppa, my other sister loves going to clean and I take my children round and let him have fun with his grandchildren and keep his mind off things. My mum and I are being quite realistic and I think as long as your children know you are there if they need to vent or cry or just to watch a film with anything they are in the mood to do knowing how close you are as a family will help them individually through the journey you're on. I am mentally drained but I'm being strong for my dad and although my mum and dad are no longer together it's amazing her being there for him just like you are for your ex as you have a special bond and he will appreciate you being their for him when he needed it just like you will be able to help yourself knowing you have been there at his greatest time of need. Sending you all my thoughts and let's hope for positive outcomes, I really hope your children are able to ease their anxiety xxx

Hi Hopehutton,

Thank you for taking the time to reply. So sorry to hear about your Dad. 
 

my Ex had scans on Friday, we get the results Monday and I'm dreading it. I don't know about you but I've been searching the internet for other stories/ diary accounts, trying to get some idea of what the outcome might be. Don't think this was a good idea as two diary accounts I found where after the results of the scan, where their tumours had grown not shrunk, they both died within 3/4 months. I know everyone is different and I can't compare him to other people, but I think the not knowing is the worst! 
 

I just hope my Daughter changes her mind and makes up with her Dad before it's too late. It's so hard to know what to do for the best. 
 

Anyway fingers crossed that the chemo is keeping the cancer at bay for as long as possible. 

The not knowing is definitely the worst, its hard to think about fathers day, Christmas etc. But we have to think positive, I've decided to stop reading stories as with bowel cancer there are alot of negative stories.

However I know of 2 people who work with my partner who had the same diagnosis and after chemotherapy they are both still here 8 years later. So each individual has a different journey. I really hope his scan results come back as good news sending you all my thoughts xxx

I am very familiar with this story. My husband was 41 when he was diagnosed with bowel cancer which had spread to his liver. They told us at the time that his liver was inoperable but he had an amazing response to chemotherapy. 18 months later he had a liver resection. He recovered really well from that operation. Unfortunately he passed away with a problem with the tumour they had to leave behind (they were planning to go back in and get in 8 weeks after the first operation) as this tumour was in a really awkward place. Even though the outcome wasn't good for us, I wanted to say don't lose hope. We got through 2 years by keeping postive and having hope. A lot of bad luck came our way in the end but everyone is different. 

Thanks for taking the time to tell me your story. 
my Ex had a scan about 2 weeks ago and has a 30% strinkage of all his tumours in his liver, (they are all over) he's feeling really positive and said the doctor wanted to hug him she was so surprised. He thinks he has years to live now, but I can't help being a realist. His liver has tumours all over and big ones at that. His biggest was 10cm before the shrinkage, now 7cm but that's massive. Been doing lots of research to see if the size of tumours have any influence over how long you can survive, but can't find anything. Obviously I'm hoping he has got years but concerned he's telling our children he has, when he doesn't really know. 
Then of course they can have complications at any time, like your husband. So sorry to hear that.

I just wish there was more information out there, but it's so individual it's impossible. 
 

Again, thanks for replying,

x

Have you had a second opinion?

Looked into nano knife?