Hi pops.norman. Welcome to the forum.

Wow, there's so much going on with you that it's difficult to know where to start.  I used to be a university lecturer, but I retired a few years ago.  I am appalled by the government's insistence on "business as usual" at universities, and it seems to be back-firing badly; unfortunately, it's the students who are suffering, with freshers being particularly badly affected.  Since your age is 18 I'm assuming you're in your first year.

Since you're a student you should be able to make use of your university's counselling service, and I suggest you make contact with them ASAP.  They do need to know that your special circumstances mean that you're struggling more than the usual student. Also don't forget that you can phone home at any time and discuss your fears and feelings with your parents. 

I would urge you to not give up on your course without giving it serious thought and discussing it with your parents and your course tutor/leader.  If you just up and leave then there may well be implications for your fees which might affect whether or not you can get full funding for a new course.

However, we don't really know what is going to happen at universities, and I think it's possible that some or all will send their students home and adopt a distance learning model, or maybe there will simply be a mass exodus of students as they all lose patience with the situation and return home. What will happen about fees is anyone's guess.  It's all up in the air and you're stuck in the middle of this unholy mess.

There have been some reports of people catching Covid twice, but the actual numbers are very low, so it seems possible that catching it once gives at least a measure of future immunity to most people.  If you decide (or are told) to return home, I suggest you make a phone appointment to speak to your family GP, and ask for guidance and advice about the best way to handle your return.  It might be best to do this now to get the information in advance, because it's possible that students could be told to go home at short notice.

I wish I had more concrete guidance to give you. Maybe someone else on this forum will chip in with some suggestions.

Hi Pops.norman,

I am so sorry to hear of the difficult time your're having and how it is affecting you. It is hard enough for anyone trying to cope with the unusual circumstances that freshers find themselves in this year, without having this additional worry on your shoulders.

Telemando has given you good advice to see to the University counsellor as soon as you can and explain the strain that you are under. Do you phone home for regular updates about your sister? You might find it helpful to use Facetime or What's App, so that you can see how she is looking and what is happening to her remaining hair (if there is any left by now). This way you won't get too great a shock when you see her.

None of us cope well all the time in these circumstances. We can put a brave face on for a while, while our hearts are breaking inside. Let yourself cry in private. This is a great release valve for all of that pent up emotion. Don't worry about the anger. This is perfectly normal. Accept that you will have bad days, but don't beat yourself up about them.

Whatever you do, don't give up your place at uni without giving it really serious consideraton and discussing it fully with your family and counsellor. My son was the same age as you when I was diagnosed 11 years ago and he wanted to step down, but I insisted that he should soldier on and fulfil his life's ambition  and dreams and, you should do the same. Think of this rationally, there's nothing that you can do to help your sister through this. The main thing is to let her know that you love and support her fully in all that she is doing and, I'm sure that you already do that. I have been through a second bout of cancer 10 years ago and again my son wanted to come home. He has since graduated and has travelled most of the world with his job and, has never regretted sticking in at his studies.

Most of us cancer patients look on the first year after diagnosis as a tough one. Chemo is extremely challenging and it can take us several months to recover from it. However, most of us get back to living normal lives after that year is behind us. I am sure that your sister would be the last person in the world to want you to put your life on hold because of her illness. By the time she finishes chemo, she will be so relieved to get it out of the way that I'm sure she won't worry about not being able to ring the bell either.

It is so hard to try and cope with this at your age and, you are probably right in that you don't feel mature enough to be able to deal with this. Unfortunately, this is where you'll start growing up very fast and, we all get the strength to see it through from somewhere. It is unfortunate that you took it all out on your friend, but this can happen when you are so up tight. I'm sure that you have managed to apologise by now. It is difficult for your friends who haven't already been through such heartbreak to appreciate what you are going through. Many just don't understand and can sometimes appear crass and uncaring. I'm sure that they don't mean it to be, but this can be how it comes across.

With time you will find friends who have been through personal tragedy in their lives and, who may be willing to help you through this unfortunate journey.

I can understand your fears about bringing Covid back home when you visit. Again Telemando's advice is sound. Very few seem to be getting it a second time. It might be worth getting a test for your immunity now that you have had Covid, but you would need to arrange this well in advance of going home.

I do hope that you eventually manage to come to terms with all that is happening and that your sister makes a full recovery. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine