I’m 30 yo and suffered with ulcerative colitis for 7 years. November 18 I’m rushed to hospital with bowel perforation and I’m on TPN feeds every night until my bowel can be repaired. Biopsy was high grade B cell nhl. Completely out of the blue and the day after my 30 th Birthday. It’s 6 months later and I’m now fighting refractory disease as rchop was not successful and now on rdhap and stem cell transplant at the end of all this. Everyday I it nd cry every day I sit and constantly check myself for enlarged nodes lumps or the slightest pain freaks me out. I was positive and I mean was and i have sunk so bad its unbelievable. I’ve asked to be referred to a psychologist as I can’t go on like this. At this rate I’ll be gone before the nhl gets me. I can’t go on like this does anyone have any advice to help I’m trying to get on with things but when spending so much time in hospital how can you call that any form of life. I’m only child and don’t have a family of my own so everything is placed at my parents who are pensioners themselves. It’s a mess that’s going to I feel go 100% worse.... Joe