Cancer Research UK main site
  • Replies 3 replies
  • Views 511 views
  • Users 0 members are here

I just want to dream of my mum before cancer

Januarybutterfly
Offline

I have previously posted here that I lost my mum to cancer in October 2021 just 3 and a half weeks after her diagnosis. 
 

As the title suggested though I'm struggling with the dreams I'm having of my mum. I have only had one 'normal' dream of my mum which was exactly 1 week after she died - she looked so healthy in the dream and we were just casually sitting on the couch doing what we would normally do when we see eachother. 
 

Since then though anytime I dream of my mum I can't escape the feeling that she is going to die. Even if it's not spoken of in the dream I just know that my mum is extremely sick and time is limited. 
 

I just want to be able to dream of my mum as she was before the cancer. It's every other night I have these dreams, some of them can be really upsetting - it's like I'm being tortured by my own mind, I just want to be able to forget for one night and see my mum without everything that has happened these last couple of months. I hope it's just because everything is still so raw and I'm probably still in shock over being told so quickly that she had cancer to it being terminal to it being a matter of days.
 

Has anybody else had the same experience? 

Parents
  • Offline

    Hi I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost me Mum in March and am a vivid dreamer to the extent that I can't always tell if something was a dream or actually happened. I took me until recently to start having normal dreams of her again.

    I read that at first it becomes difficult to remember the many good moments you had together and that at first your mind focuses on the more recent moments. This at least is what happened to me. At first, I felt like I had forgotten the many great moments we had together and thought I had lost them forever. But with time more and more of the great memories popped into me head. There are still many times where I think about all the sad things we had to go through. It's been difficult these passed few weeks, as she went back into hospital for the second time this time last year.

    I know it'll be really hard at the moment. I didn't sleep properly for months, as I just couldn't cope with the dreams. Eventually I got medical help, which helped me regain a normal sleep pattern and with time the dreams appeared less.

    Please give yourself time. I don't know when it will get better for you, but eventually I realised that for 9 heartbreaking months together we had over 30 years of great memories.

    Take care x

Reply
  • Offline

    Hi I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost me Mum in March and am a vivid dreamer to the extent that I can't always tell if something was a dream or actually happened. I took me until recently to start having normal dreams of her again.

    I read that at first it becomes difficult to remember the many good moments you had together and that at first your mind focuses on the more recent moments. This at least is what happened to me. At first, I felt like I had forgotten the many great moments we had together and thought I had lost them forever. But with time more and more of the great memories popped into me head. There are still many times where I think about all the sad things we had to go through. It's been difficult these passed few weeks, as she went back into hospital for the second time this time last year.

    I know it'll be really hard at the moment. I didn't sleep properly for months, as I just couldn't cope with the dreams. Eventually I got medical help, which helped me regain a normal sleep pattern and with time the dreams appeared less.

    Please give yourself time. I don't know when it will get better for you, but eventually I realised that for 9 heartbreaking months together we had over 30 years of great memories.

    Take care x

Children
No Data

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.