Two years ago My mum was brought into hospital with a chest infection.  4 days later they said she had advanced terminal cancer with a few short weeks. But if she couldn't fight off the infection it would be within the week.  They told my mum her diagnosis and she was highly distressed. She had a long life fear of cancer and death. I stayed with her all day holding her hand. Stroking her hair. Getting the nurse to give her some anxiety meds.  She kept looking at me and saying "you look tired go home". But I said no.  I'm staying with you. And I kissed her hand. That night my children arrived. But it seemed to make my mum more upset seeing them so they only stayed for an hour. I was staying at my cousins house as I had moved to Cornwall.  So we were all due to go back there for the night.  Thd children needed to go home as they were upset too. I asked the nurses if I could sleep over and they said I could sleep in the chair next to mum.  I said "mum I'll sleep next to you". But she shook her head.  I asked her again I said I'll sleep next to you here on the bed". but again she shook her head.  She was catatonic with shock.  Barely spoke a word.  Dad pulled me to one side. Said mum needs some time alone I think to process this news. So I went home. I told mum and the nurses they could call me any time during the night and I will come.   During the night she got upset the nurse told me.  But she told them not to call me.   I came the next day and the day after. On the third day she died in my arms.   
 

it's been two years. I cannot forgive myself for leaving her alone those two nights. She must have been terrified. I just don't know how to move on from it. My poor mum.  X